*Sorry for the delay, I know I said I would post yesterday but I got home late :// anywaaays, hope you enjoy...there will be more drama, sooon! ^_^ Ohh and if none of y'all can remember, Kellie is Safaree's therapist. The only one Nicki trusts :P*
Safaree was now stood outside of the bathroom door, hearing her sob her heart out like that was breaking him on the inside. He couldn't believe he'd made her feel that way, and hearing her small conversation with Jayson minutes ago had somehow kicked him back into the real world. He was having an internal argument about whether or not he should go in or not but before he could do anything he heard the shower die down. He guessed she wasn't washing her hair, so he quietly entered the bathroom with a million thoughts running through his head. What if he couldn't fix this? He could only try though. When he went in she still hadn't heard him and was wrapping herself in a pink towel, as she turned to face the sink he made her jump and she spun around quickly trying to hide her tears and puffy eyes. She carried on drying herself as she thought Safaree just wanted the bathroom.
"C-can't you just use the d-downstairs bathroom?" She stuttered and rolled her watery eyes when he didn't answer but instead she flinched feeling him wrap his arms tightly around her pulling her so close to him she felt like she couldn't breathe. She stayed rigid in his arms for a couple of seconds before completely collapsing into him and crying even harder. How could he have not noticed what he was doing to her? He never wanted to let go of her at this point but he had to loosen up for fear of suffocating her. He felt her shuddering as she cried, they never spoke apart from his reassuring, soothing words here and there. They stayed like that for a good five minutes before he noticed the goosebumps patterned across her arms, remembering she was still only in her towel. He gently pulled away from her and grabbed her hand leading her though to their room, carful not to wake Jay up. As Nicki trailed behind him she looked even smaller than usual just shuffling as close as she could behind him trying to hold her towel around her. She couldn't stop crying and kept sniffling as he pulled out some pyjamas for her and lay them on the bed.
"Here, put those on you're freezing." He whispered softly as she dropped her towel and quickly threw on the pyjamas. He grabbed one of his sweatshirts too and put it on her while she just stood crying, still struggling to stop. He hated seeing her like this. He moved around to his side of the bed and packed cushions and pillows there to act like a barrier so that Jay couldn't roll out of the bed, he then went back round to her side pulling her with him as he wrapped them under the covers. He couldn't believe how long she cried for, she cried so much she threw up luckily the trash can was near the bed. He just continued to hold her until her cries subdued into faint breathing, he looked down at her asleep, enveloped in his arms and vowed to himself that he would never again do anything to make her feel like he didn't love her, because she was his life.
It was 6:30am when Nicki awoke. She was still snug in Safaree's arms, which confirmed that last night's events did happen and they weren't just part of a dream. Moving ever so slightly to try and get comfortable she caught a glimpse of his face, to her surprise he was awake too. He looked as though he hadn't even slept actually. They just lay on their sides and stared at one another for a while until Nicki broke the silence.
"I've missed this. Missed us, and I've been so alone without you." She was on the verge of tears again but Safaree wasn't having it and started stroking the side of her face.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what even happened. Like, that whole time has just felt like a massive blur. I can't even explain it. Then last night I heard you and Jay talkin' and I just realised what the hell I'd been doing to you, to us. To our family." He gave her a comforting smile. "It'll be small steps babe. I can't promise you I'm gon' be back to the old me in no time..." He trailed off and looked down but Nicki pulled his face back up to look at her again.
"Hey, stop worrying....I just needed to know that you were still in there." She said as she put her free hand on his chest. "I needed to know that you did still love me underneath all that, blankness." He moved in and kissed her softly before pulling back to continue admiring her face.
"I will always love you. No matter what." He echoed the words Nicki had used with Jay last night. Reminding her that his little body would usually be between them.
"Where is Jay at?" She asked scanning around the bed, Safaree moved on to his back giving Nicki a view of Jay behind him, sound alseep cushioned between all of the pillows his Dad had set out to stop him falling. "Aww, sleeping wild just like his daddy." She carried on looking at him as Safaree mad a move to get out of bed. "Babe, where are you going?" she sounded concerned.
"I need to do something for you. I'll be back." He was stopped when Nicki grabbed hold of his arm.
"Please? Don't...overdo it, kay? She was petrified he was going to slide back into the way he was before. He had made a breakthrough, no doubt about it but that was just with her. Who knows what he would be like with strangers and the outside environment. So she made a mental note to call Kellie later and see what she thought. As he made his way out of the room she looked back over at a sleeping Jay and inched closer to him until she had her arms wrapped gently around his tiny body and he still didn't wake, mind you it was about 6:45am and he wasn't usually up until around 8:00am. She stayed in the same place just stroking her hand through what little hair he did have as she listened to his soft breathing. Before she knew it she was asleep again.
Safaree made his way back into their room, noticing it was almost 8:00am he knew Alia would be squawking soon and Jay would be up and ready to demolish a plate full of food. Luckily he had made enough breakfast for the three of them. Gently nudging Nicki out of her sleep he handed her a plate of cooked breakfast which she wolfed down immediately, probably because she emptied her stomach last night when she threw up. He then when to get Alia, who was now screeching from her room, as Nicki sat Jay up and handed him his little Monsters Inc. plate.
"Here you go baby." She re-adjusted his twisted pyjamas as he rubbed his eyes sleepily and took the plate from her without hesitating to start cutting in to the food. Nicki just laughed and sat herself upright. Before long Safaree re-appeared cradling a whinging Alia as she kicked her legs and arms out. He handed her to Nicki carefully before going around to the other side of the bed and sitting himself between her and Jay. Alia's grunts soon stopped as Nicki started feeding her and then all that could be heard was her sucking on Nicki greedily as if she had never been fed before. She looked back over at her husband who was staring into space again but he felt her staring and turned to look at her, leaning in to kiss Alia's head, then Nicki's and then Jay's on the other side of him. Then he turned back to continue stroking Alia's tufty baby hair.
"I'm gon' call Kellie later." She said it unsurely, not knowing what he would say, and just kept watching Alia as she fed.
"Good. I want everything back. I want my family back. I want my life back." He sounded frustrated, understandably. He just wanted everything to go back to normal as did Nicki. She just nodded and pulled her top back up once Alia was done.
"Today? Are you absolutely positive you have no other openings at the weekend?" Nicki was getting upset on the phone with Kellie's receptionist. "I need to go with him, but I can't just drop everything and leave today." She rubbed her forehead with her free hand.
"I'm sorry Mrs Samuels but if you ring up last minute...you're only get to get the times left available." She didn't want to snap at the girl, she had seen her before, she was only young and she sounded genuinely sorry. "So shall I cancel that time or not ma'am?"
"No, no...that'll just have to do." she sighed after thanking her and putting the phone down." She turned around to see Safaree staring at her. "Babe, they only got times for this afternoon. Otherwise it's a three month wait." They were in the kitchen so she walked over and took the seat next to a troubled looking Safaree and placed a hand on his knee.
"S'ok, I'll go...I'll get a cab though." He knew there was no way Nicki would leave her babies with just any babysitter and she wasn't about to haul them on a four hour car trip all the way back to their hometown for a two hour session with Kellie.
"You sure?" She kept rubbing his knee and he put his hand over hers as she did.
"Yeah. I might just stay with my Mom when I get there though, I just do-" He tried to explain but Nicki already knew.
"I know, it's fine. I don't want you travelling in the dark. Not anymore." She said the last part under her breath.
It was now almost 2:00pm and Safaree's appointment was in four and a half hours. They were saying their goodbyes at the door as the cab driver put Safaree's overnight bag in the trunk for him and jumped back in the car.
"Be safe, kay?" He kissed her passionately, for the first time in over a month. She didn't want to let go but the driver was tapping his watch as he looked at them through his mirror. "Say night to the kids for me?" He whispered in her ear as he hugged her one last time. She just nodded, fearing that if she spoke she would start crying again. Watching him drive away was the worst feeling for her. The last time she did that, it changed their lives.
She decided to take Jay out for lunch seeing as they had absolutely no food in the house, that way she could do the grocery shopping too. After stocking the car up with a Alia's pram and baby bag she put both children in the car and set off to the mall, which conveniently had Jay's favourite eatery and a supermarket too. Once they arrived and parked she was relieved to see that Alia was fast asleep, so transferring her to her pram was easy because she slept like a log.
"Jay, baby why don't you go play in the play area?" She knew he wouldn't but she desperately didn't want his autism to stop him from having fun. He just looked at the play area longingly but shook his head no adamantly. She sighed and turned to check on Alia who was now wide awake. "Hey liddle ladybug! You just gon' have to wait 'til we get home for your lunch, kay?" Jay kneeled up on his chair wanting to look at Alia but was soon distracted as a young boy's balloon popped loudly on the table next to theirs. She whipped her head around to see his little face screwed up, close to tears he slid off his chair and climbed on to Nicki's lap while she just rocked him. "You wanna go home baby?" She felt him nod his head on her chest and took that as their cue to leave. Getting back to the car was like her worst nightmare, trying to push Alia's pram with her stomach, carry the two heavy grocery bags on one hip and a sleepy Jay on the other. Luckily a middle-aged man came to her rescue and took the groceries for her. He looked really familiar but she couldn't quite place where she had seen him and shook the thoughts out of her head when she remembered they had moved to a completely new area so how could she possibly know him. It bugged her the whole journey home.
At 7:30pm Alia was all fed and sound asleep in her crib whilst Nicki and Jay were sat watching Cars. Only Jay was asleep. She had planned this so that she could put him in his own bed to get him used to his new room. She carefully carried him up to his blue bedroom and tucked him in his little bed, making sure his night light was on as he always woke up at some point in the night. She just sat and admired him for a while before heading back downstairs, she wanted to tidy up a bit before Safaree got home in the morning, as she did so she heard a loud bang coming from the back of the house. She stood silent for a while, holding her breath. It was definitely coming from downstairs, and inside the house. She started to panic remembering that Safaree wasn't home. Who should she call? She doesn't know anyone here. Suddenly she was reminded of the phone number left thoughtfully on the fridge. "Drake!" .....
*Wow, that was actually quite long...I think :/ well hope you liked ^_^ And thanks soooooo much for all of the comments on the the sneak peek! :D *