Wednesday, 4 July 2012

1. Trying To Move Forward

"It's gonna be ok y'know Faree?" She kept brushing her hand over his head as he lay quietly in their bed. The more she said that to him she wondered whether she was trying to convince herself or him more. He didn't answer, but that wasn't unusual. She felt so helpless as he kept his gaze fixed on the wall in front of him, breathing steadily. Nicki sighed and slowly got up from the bed, looking back at him once more before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. She so desperately wanted to break down and cry but she had to be the strong one this time, all the times he was strong for her now it was her turn.

"How is he?" Mama Carol asked with a pitiful look on her face. The small baby in her arms was getting restless and fussy as she tried to hand her to her mother. Nicki only had to look at her mother for her to know that there had been no change in the way Safaree was behaving. "I think somebody's hungry!" She smiled a little as she handed the three month old tot to Nicki.

"Aw baby, sorry..Momma's been a little busy." She knew all too well that her baby daughter Alia couldn't understand a word she was saying but she still talked to her anyway. Mama Carol smiled proudly.

"You're a great mother, you know that don't you Onika?" She placed a hand softly on Nicki's arm.
Nicki just looked at her before answering.

"Thanks Mom, I just wish I could be a better wife right now." She started to tear up which was something she promised she would try never to do in front of her children. She remembers how helpless she used feel whenever she and her brother would find her mother crying.

"Don't even say it Onika! You know he loves you with all of his heart, he just needs time baby." Her mother always knew what to say and when to say it, it's like she had some other sense that nobody else had and she loved that about her.

"I know, I know...I'm just being silly." She looked down at Alia who was fussing more than ever now and verging on crying.

"Look I better feed her before she wakes the whole neighbourhood, you think you'll be ok looking after Jayson for one more night...I mean Cai is gonna be home right? He can help you? She looked hopefully at her mother waiting for an answer.

"Nika, baby, of course I will. What time are the removal vans getting here tomorrow morning?"

"Umm, hopefully they gonna be here by nine so once all or stuff is packed up I can drop by a get him." Mama Carol nodded, she knew she was the only person Nicki trusted her with her son Jayson. He was four years old and was diagnosed with autism when he was three, Nicki had always been weird about letting people look after him but seemed to have gotten worse after he was diagnosed.

"Thanks Mommy." She smiled gratefully, and her Mother returned the gesture.

"Y'know, you have to stop being so shy about feeding your own child in front of people! It's nothing to be ashamed about." Mama Carol laughed, she knew Nicki was waiting for to leave before she breast-fed Alia. Nicki blushed and looked away.

"Mom, really?" She shook her head before changing the subject. "Tell Jay that I love him before he goes to sleep, please?"

"I will, I will!" Mama Carol dismissed what Nicki was about to say because it was the same every time, and she knew the drill by now. She grabbed her coat and bag before kissing Nicki and Alia on their foreheads and heading towards the front door, which was almost blocked off by all of the packed boxes lining the hallway. "Oh and Nika? Everything is  going to be ok, I promise." She gave one last smile before leaving. The house fell silent, all except for Alia's hungry grunts and whimpers.

"Okay liddo one, Imma feed you now! Just like Momma, impatient when it comes to food." She continued talking to the frustrated baby as she made her way up the stairs. Since everything was packed in to boxes Alia was sleeping in Nicki and Safaree's room in a temporary moses basket by Nicki's bed-side. She was struggling, only Mama Carol recognised though because of the front she kept putting up but Safaree was still the same as he was four weeks ago, Jayson was getting distressed and upset with all the changes going on with moving house and Alia...well she seemed to be the only one not affected by anything right now. Except her growing hunger at this very moment. Nicki carefully climbed on to the bed next to Safaree, who hadn't moved since she left the room. She was trying to hurry now because Alia was getting grumpy, another trait that showed her resemblance to her mother. She swiftly opened her robe and held the baby even closer to her breast allowing her to greedily latch on to her nipple.

"Wow, you where hungry huh Ladybug?" She rocked her gently as she slipped back in to her thoughts and before she knew it Alia was done with food and fast asleep. She felt tired herself and knew she had a huge day tomorrow. Carefully placing Alia in her moses basket Nicki ran her thumb over her baby's cheek and admired her for a while. She had a lot of hair and really dark eyes, her skin was a similar colour to her own almost like a rich honey brown. She was almost the exact opposite to Jayson, he insisted on having his hair as short as Safaree's and being as stubborn as Nicki he always got it cut the way he wanted. He had dark eyes too but his skin resembled a mixture of Safaree's and Nicki's. She suddenly felt sad thinking about him again, she always hated leaving him with other people but she knew he loved staying with his Grandma and Grandad, not to mention Cai. She hung her robe on the bedpost and turned of the bed-side lamp as she slid into bed next to Safaree, he was asleep now and she scooted closer and closer to him desperate to feel him hold her but she knew he wouldn't. Instead she stayed where she was, positioned right behind his back and soon joined Alia and her husband in the land of sleep.

*Okkaaay not sure how everyone is gonna like this but yeaaah there ya go! XD Hopefully you do, and yes I am going to have flashbacks that will explain what happened to Safaree :'''( Poor guy....but anyway I appreciate the comments I received on my introductory post! So thank you!! Well...hope you enjoy!*



    1. Ohh Thank you so much!! ^___^ I stayed up late for y'all again hahaa glad you liked it bew! You'll find out more about Safaree in the next chapter...maybe :))
      Btw are you a British Barb?? ^_^ Thanks for ur comment! Muuah

    2. Yep. British and proud ^_^

    3. Hehe Too right!! I'm a Brit too ^____^ I could tell you were because you said "Proper loved" XD


    1. OKAAAAY I PROMIIIIIIIISE I will make the next chapter a flashback, kay?? Then you can alll know what is wrong with SB it's nothin too serious but it still isn't great :(((( + Thanks for your comment!! Muuah ^_^

  3. Omg tbis is sooo good awww wuts up wit sb nd poor nic she seems soo stressed out nd awww her son has autism :( this sooo good! Post soon barb!

  4. Omg this chapter was good. And awww poor liddle Jay has autism :( & what happened to SB???? Post soon doll :)

  5. OMG! So interesting!!! What's wrong with Safaree? Is he depressed or...? Wow! Good start! Post soon pls

  6. OMG... I'm not use to seeing Safaree like this... What's wrong with him? Why is he acting like this? Let me finish reading the rest of the chapters. Oh, good job my girl.

  7. why have i not seen this blog before? Ummmm officially annoyed you havnt told me u write !!!! anyways, this chap made me sad. Whats happened to Safaree? I hope hes not like ill or depresse or something 0_0 @IlovenickiandSB