Tuesday, 4 December 2012

23. Hanging On

*Thanku for the comments left on chapter 22 ^_^ Hope this is okay for you all :)) I wasn't gonna update this one tbh but strangely it got the most requests! This one only ever gets like one request lmao! Anyway I hope it's okay :/*

The bright lights around him were blaring. The whiteness mixed with the noise and the smell was bringing back all the memories as he sat waiting. He hated that part the most. Not being told anything. This must be how she felt that night when she was called down to the the hospital after his accident. Constantly switching his gaze on the people passing by he kept his knee bouncing nervously, images of her lifeless body being loaded into the back of the ambulance were haunting him. He was just glad Drake had kept Jay away from having to see his Mom like that. There was so much blood. It was still all over his clothes and hands.

"Mr samuels?"

"Yeah?" He stood up instantly, wiping his hands nervously over his thighs. "What's happenin' with my wife? is she okay? And our baby too? They took her from me and never said where they were goin'."

"Please, calm down sir. Your daughter was taken up to the maternity ward where she's gettin' checked over. From what I've seen and heard she's perfectly fine." She saw his body jolt with relief.

"And Nicki, my wife, what about her?"

"Last I heard she'd been taken into the operating room, I was just coming down here to lead you there." She gently put her hand on his arm before walking ahead a little. "Right this way." He didn't stop to ask anymore questions, just followed her. The walk there was brief and they came to a halt outside a room. "Once she's out of the O.R. they'll bring her back here, but whilst you wait I could take you to see your baby?"

"Yeah, I wanna see her." He licked his lips and trailed behind her slowly, his mind swimming with thoughts. What if she didn't make it? She was the love of his life and the mother of his three children. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't live without her.

"Here you go Mr Samuels, just be sure to sanitise your hands before entering. Your baby is-"

"The one on the far left. I see her already." She smiled sweetly at him recognising her. "I'll leave you to it, you know how to get back to her room don't you?"

"Yeah I think so." He kept his eyes on their baby girl whilst the Nurse turned to leave but he quickly stopped her. "Nicki's gonna be okay, isn't she?" The look on her face was not one he wanted to see.

"I'm afraid at this point we can't really say. I'm sorry, you and your family'll be in my prayers." She dipped her head and walked away, leaving him stood stunned. He remained the same for a few solid minutes before an older woman leaned out of the door.

"Can I help you sir?"

"Uh, yeah, I came to see my baby girl. She's right there." He smiled as best he could and pointed through the glass to the crib she lay in.

"Okay, well come through. Just sanitise your hands before you come in." She did it too before allowing the door to shut behind them. It was kind of quiet in there considering it was a room full of babies. All except the loud thudding of his heart as they got closer. "Here we are, baby Samuels. Do you and your partner have a name for her?"

"No, we haven't even talked about names yet." He chuckled a little at how unorganised they were even though the baby was late, but then the latter part of his sentence kicked in. They hadn't discussed baby names yet. What if they never got chance?

"Mr Samuels, did you hear what I said?"


"I said you could hold her if you want." She was looking up at him in wonder as he kept a still, fixed stare on his baby. "Is this your first?"

'No." He paused momentarily. "Third actually. Two girls and a boy now. They got us outnumbered by one." He smiled and leant in gently to pick her up. She was grunting a little at first but soon settled once he had her cradled in his arms.

"There you go, I'll be across the corridor if you need anythin' and there are seats behind you if you want to sit."

"Thanks." He didn't look back up again and slowly lowered himself into a chair. Hoping and praying that Nicki would be okay.


It had been hours and as much as he wanted to spend those hours with their newborn he couldn't just sit there and not be waiting by Nicki's door. Still, nobody had any news for him and he was beginning to get irate. Not to mention paranoid that everyone knew something but just weren't telling him. The way they all looked at him sympathetically and did the same stare whilst folding their lips and looking forward again as they continued on down the hallway. Holding his shaky hand over his face his eyes soon landed on a pair of feet stood before him.

"Mr Samuels?"

"Yeah?" The conversation so far felt like a repeat of his earlier encounter with the nurse who led him to see their baby. He could feel his whole body shaking, partly with fear and partly with anticipation.

"Your wife, Onika Samuels?"

"Yes, is she okay?" Once again he could feel his heart racing, beating so hard it felt as though it was in his throat.

"Well, we've managed to get her stabilised but she lost a lot of blood." Although it was good news, that she was alive but he could sense there was something else coming. A weight was lifted as soon as he knew she wasn't dead. "However, you have to understand that the seriousness of her bleeding was immense."

"But she's gonna be okay though, right?" All of a sudden he could feel himself starting to sweat again, panic overtaking.

"For now, she's stable but the next few hours and early days are going to be critical. The only way we could stem the bleeding was to perform an emergency hysterectomy."

"A hysterectomy? You mean-"

"I'm so sorry, we had no other choice. And yes..." He paused. "I'm afraid that does mean Onika can't ever conceive or carry another child but if you ever decided to expand your family there are other options you can look into." The doctor received no response from Safaree. His mind was reeling, his mouth dry and his heart pounding. "Mr. Samuels?"

"Ye-Yeah, I'm just..." He trailed off and smoothed his hand over his face before falling back on to the chair. He was trying desperately to hold himself together but this was going to kill Nicki. All she'd ever talked about was having a big family, although they loved the children they did have, to have more would have been picturesque. "I'm just tryin' get my head 'round all of this like..." He died off again before sighing.

"I understand it's a lot to take in, but Onika is stable right now. Our focus should be on her recovery, she needs you by her side. You can go sit with her if you'd like? I can let the nurses know not to remove you. I mean, she's asleep and won't wake for a while but she'll be aware of your presence."

"Thank you, for everythin' you've done for her." He stood and shook his hand gratefully before he was led to her room. Left alone with her with all the feelings cascading over him, he could only hear her heart monitor bleeping with each beat of her heart. The roles were reversed this time. Only months ago it was her sitting by his side, he was in a much less life-threating state but still, that wasn't the point. Clutching at her motionless hand, he sat by her side for a while before a nurse entered. Moving over to the chart at the end of the bed she pulled it up and clicked her pen before starting to scribble things down. He was too drained, emotionally and mentally to strike up conversation but noticing her stop writing he peered up at her.

"Congratulations, on the the new arrival I mean. I checked in on her on my way down, she's adorable." She moved closer to him.

"Thanks." His voice was low and tired and she could tell he was down in spirit.

"Y'know, you could have her brought down? She's not in need of any special medical attention, I could just have her moved to this room?"

"Really? I mean, it's okay for you to do that?"

"Sure, I'll go get one of the porters to wheel her down." She smiled sweetly and headed out. He'd feel better once their baby was there with them, that way he could be with the pair of them.


"When's Mommy coming home?" Jay asked for the seventh time since they'd left, this was also the fifth time Drake had put him back in his bed.

"I'on know, but she'll be home soon with your new baby sister and your Dad." He tucked him in gently. "Now go to sleep."

"I'm thirsty."

"You just had-" He shook his head. "Never mind, whatta you want? Water?"

"Yes please."

"Aight, well stay put. I'mma bring it up here."

"But Mommy said we're not allowed drinks upstairs!" Drake turned to stare at his wide-eyed face.

"Well, what Mommy doesn't know won't hurt her, right?" He took a while to respond but finally smiled back at him.

"Right." Giggling at the thought of sharing a little secret with Drake he lay back and watched him leave. Honestly Drake had no idea what to say each time he asked when his Mom was coming home. From the looks of things, the way she was put into the ambulance it seemed she might not even be coming home. He violently shook his head as he filled a small plastic cup with some bottled water. He couldn't even bare to think of what might have happened, he just prayed for her family's sake that she was okay. He finished off the task at hand and gave Jay his water. Thankfully the next time he checked up on them both they were fast asleep. Alia had been no trouble, dropping off to sleep as soon as he lay her in the crib but Jay was the total opposite, a nightmare. It had been a long night, probably an even longer one for Safaree but the more sleep he managed to get now, the more he could help them out when they returned. He knew Nicki would but exhausted and SB would be left looking after two kids and a newborn and he wanted to support them as much as he could. Slowly climbing into bed he let the dramatic events of the day seep into his mind until he dozed off.

Back at the hospital Safaree was struggling to keep his own eyes open, he had Nicki laying silently in front of him and their baby to the side of his chair. They were both sleeping, Nicki had no choice but she looked just as peaceful as their baby girl. There was so much weighing on his mind, trying to deal with the horrendous memories and fears he still harboured and the lives of his loved ones at this very moment all at the same time as trying to be the strength that helped them all through it. Nicki was strong, she would overcome this. She had to.


The next morning SB was awoken with a start, he imagined he'd be woke by their unnamed baby crying but instead it was the urgent bleeping of Nicki's heart monitor. Quickly jumping up he was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes as his heart started to race. The feeling of sheer panic subsided when he blinked to see a confused looking Nicki staring back at him. Her head jolted suddenly when the doors burst open. She'd obviously come around from her induced sleep and accidentally tugged the wires off of her body.

"Onika, we need to keep these on." The young nurse, now known to Safaree as Lila, started re-attaching all of the wires as he continued to stare at his wife in a daze. It took him a couple of seconds to adjust to what was going on. She couldn't speak with the mask on her face and tried to pull it off weakly, only to be stopped by Lila. "And that too, it needs to stay on. You have to rest." Her stern yet calming look made Nicki retreat her hand, replacing it back by her side as she moved her head to look at Safaree sleepily. He saw her eyes, still halfway shut as they moved to lay on the hospital crib containing their baby. After a few seconds of just staring she felt his hand grasp on to hers as he sat down again, pulling their baby closer too.

"Can you see her?" His voice held so much emotion and even in her current state she could still recognise that. Nodding slowly she squeezed his hand lightly, feeling a tear stream down her cheek. Before Lila could say anything Dr Adams strolled through the door, stopping immediately when he saw the baby.

"Nurse Jackson, why isn't the baby in the nursery?"

"Well, I just thought that it would be better for her to be with her parents." She smiled nervously as Safaree looked between the two colleagues.

"I know you only mean well but Onika is recovering from a major surgical procedure. She needs to rest, so could you please sign her back into the nursery?"

"Yes Dr Adams." She blushed and began rearranging the baby blankets before wheeling her out, Nicki had tried to say something but Safaree calmed her quickly. No longer caring for being ordered about she pulled the oxygen mask off of her face.

"Why is she taking her away?" SB looked at the doctor worriedly before grabbing Nicki's hand again in preparation. Originally he had wanted to tell her himself but with Dr Adams explaining he could just concentrate on comforting her. Knowing Mama Carol and the rest of Nic's direct family were on their was was a huge comfort to him also. Walking over to the other side of her bed he began to speak.

"Onika, although you won't be feeling it right now because of the pain relief but you're recovering from a very serious medical procedure." He looked between the married couple as she turned to Safaree for answers.

"Please, let me explain it to her?" With a sudden change of heart, SB wanted to be the one to tell her. He felt it was only right.

"Of course, I'll just step outside for a while but I'll be back to check on you." He looked at Nicki as he spoke the latter of his sentence before leaving them. The all too familiar sound of silence filled the room again, all but her heart monitor could be heard.

"Safaree? What's goin' on?"

"Well, you're both fine, that's the most important thing. Okay?" He laced his fingers with hers, the tears were already staining her cheeks as she nodded small and sniffled. "But we had to call an ambulance last night, you were losing so much blood and Faye couldn't stop it." He tried to keep his voice calm but the thought of telling her was hurting him already. "They had to do an emergency hysterectomy to save you."

"A hyster-" She cut her sentence off and brought her hand shakily up to her mouth. "A hysterectomy?"

"Nicki, baby I'm so sorry but it's the only option they had left. I really thought I'd lost you y'know?" He crept forwards more in his chair as she cried silently to herself. "But you're okay, you're alive and you're gonna be fine."

"But a hysterectomy Safaree? I can't ever have another baby, even if I decide I want one I can't..." She trailed off as the tears became too uncontrollable.

"There are other ways we can go about it, and we already have three beautiful kids Nic. We don't need any more. We've got the most perfect family already." He could feel himself getting emotional and tried desperately to stop himself.

"But I can't do the most basic thing a woman should be able to do." Her hand moved up to her face momentarily as she swiped at the tears. The obvious shake in her voice was killing him not to mention the evident hurt in her expression.

"Don't think like that, please? You know I love you no matter what, and that's not a question. You should know that. You and our three kids are my world and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm just so thankful that you're both alive after yesterday."

"I love you too." She kept her watery eyes fixed on his as she swallowed hard and exhaled to try and calm herself a little bit. As well as feeling like she'd been hit by a truck there was a dull aching feeling all across her abdomen whilst she tried to shift to a more comfortable position. The main thought running through her mind at that point was how the only thing making her feel like a whole woman had been snatched away from her and although she was happy to be alive she wondered how the hell she was supposed to come to terms with this.


*Personally I'm not happy with this chapter but I was sick of it haunting me so I just had to post it! Now I can focus on getting my ideas back on track! Thanks for all the comments on the previous chapter and I hope this was alright for you all. Also if you DON'T want to be notified via twitter when I post just tell me because I hate to feel like I'm bothering some of you when I tweet about it :/ So just let me know so I can take you off the tweet list :) Anyway, hope you all had a Merry Christmas! ^_^ *


  1. Im so glad that the baby & Nic are ok! But eventhough she had a hysterectomy, I understood that it was the only way that she would still be alive right now. Even without her not being able to concieve anymore.

  2. Oh yeah, I hope u had a good Christmas too!

  3. So happy they're okay. Wow. I was crying during this chapter, I feel so sorry for her..

  4. First off, thank goodness for Drake. He's been so helpful already & he's gonna be needed so much now. :x

    lol @ Nic snatching the chords off her arm when she woke up & trying to take off her mask. Idk y that was so funny, but.... it was.

    OMG. I'm glad Nic & my little ladybug are ok, but I feel so bad for Nic. Like...I'd be so hurt knowing that. But it was the only way to save her so I guess.. :(

    *sighs* they'll get through this.

  5. Almost cried at this chapter. So glad both Nicki and the baby are doing well. As if she had to have a hysterectomy to stop her losing blood, no more little Nicki's and Safaree's :( - TheOVOBarbie

  6. OMG! I almost cried!!!! This chapter was soo real! I could see everything happening. It was like a little movie was playing while i was reading. It was soooooo good! I'm glad Nicki's okay though. She'll come around with the whole thing. At least she has 3 kids already. Things could be worse. Oh and the baby! Omg i bet she's mad precious! Her name should be Amani :p

  7. you had me in tears at this chapter! :( poor Nic cant have anymore beautiful kids! I must say that this painted a real picture in my head of this whole chapter; it was like a film! Im glad her and the baby are okay though!

  8. Wow... Wow.. Like wow.. I know she's hurting :(
    *sigh* I just want her and the baby to come home healthy and safe. Nicki is strong. She'll get thru this.... I hope :/

  9. What's wrong with you woman I like this chapter... Lol but I guess... Lol I guess this is what people say about my stories... I can't wait to see them get better together because now she needs him more than ever just like he needed her. This story is like. A movie playing in my head. I love it. Can't wait for your next post keep up the amazing work

  10. Tbh I loved this chapter, it's sad but very interesting. Kept me intrigued. It's sad that Nic can't have anymore kids but they have three so that's better then non.
    Great chapter, can't wait for more :)

  11. I really liked this chapter, but when I tell you I cried so much reading this. For once, i'm glad Drake is in an Onikafaree story though. He has been such a great help to them lately. You did a great job on this. I hope you had a Merry Christmas too!