25. Just The Beginning - Part Two

"Daddy?"

"S'up lil' man?" He asked, not really interested in whatever it was since he was trying to pull Alia's tiny leggings up over her kicking feet.

"Is Nana taking me to school?" He was swaying as he spoke and held on to the changing table leg.

"Yeah, why?"

"I want Mommy to take me."

"Remember what I told you just the other day? Mommy's sick, she has to stay in bed for a lil' bit. So Nana's gon' take you and I'ont wanna hear any complainin'. Got it?"

"Yes sir." He poked his lip out almost as professionally as his Mother and trapsed back through to his room.

"Aight, we done here." He smiled proudly and tugged Alia's dress down over her head before buttoning it and picking her up. He was kind of enjoying having to take on all of this without Nicki. He felt he was growing closer to his kids and being more responsible for them.

"Jay? Get your lil' ass downstairs and go eat that cereal I put out for you. You got ten minutes 'til you leave." He waited for a response and continued on with his duties when he heard the tiny footsteps heading down the stairs. They'd been having more and more issues with him lately, particularly with his tantrum throwing and the fits he would have when he couldn't get his own way. They only really recognised how bad he was getting when the school called about his behaviour in class. They'd asked them to come in to discuss what further action should be taken. Truthfully, it was just another issue they didn't need to be worrying about. Especially with everything else on their plate at the moment. Silently contemplating what was going to happen with their son he bumped into Mama Carol on the stairway.

"Oh Safaree, where do you want this basket of laundry?" She propped it on her hip as she looked up at him. Never had he been so grateful for having her with them. He needed her right now.

"I'll do you a trade, could you take her downstairs and feed her?"

"Of course I can." She smiled at her granddaughter as SB handed her over and took the basket from her grip. He stood and watched them head downstairs before entering his and Nicki's room. She was still sleeping, as was Ava in the bassinet next to her side if the bed. Smiling at how peaceful they both looked he sat the laundry down and remembered he had to get Nicki's dressing changed. He'd set everything out the night before and ran through what he was told to do just to be on the safe side. Honestly, it wasn't rocket science but he was petrified of her wound becoming infected or something. His noisy antics, as he tried gather everything quietly, stirred Nicki from her sleep.

"Oh good you're up, we need to change your bandages."

"What?" Stretching up slowly and gently she rested back against the headboard and squinted at her alarm clock. "Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

"'Cause everythin' is under control and you need rest. Plus, Ava wasn't screechin' or nothin' so I figured she ain't want feedin' yet." He moved over and sat on the side of the bed by her feet. "How you feelin'?"

"Great."

"I love it when you answer sarcastically."

"Now you're the one being sarcastic." She cocked her eyebrow and waited for him to respond but he didn't. "I wanna shower first, then I'll change it." She spoke whilst throwing the covers back. "Help me to the bathroom." Carrying everything with him he did as she asked and helped her to the shower.

"Here sit on the tub and I'll help you undress." He attempted to lead her to the bath but she pulled her hand away from him softly.

"It's okay Safaree, I got it from here. Thanks." Pretending not to notice him stood looking at her she re-folded her towel and put it on the seat of the toilet.

"Nicki."

"I said I'm okay Safaree. Please." She looked at him tiredly and used the sink as a crutch. "Could you just leave the bandages and stuff in here?"

"But I'm s'posed to be doin' it for you."

"I can handle it. I haven't lost the ability to do some things for myself y'know?" Her cold words didn't match the hurt look on her face, a look which mirrored his feelings at that moment. Why was she behaving so angrily?

"The sooner you realise you're just lucky to even be alive, the better." He placed the bag of hospital goods on the towel shelf and looked her dead in the eye. "Shout me if you need anythin', only if you really need it though. God knows we wouldn't wanna hurt your pride, Onika." He silenced her with his harsh words before he left, shutting the door behind him.

He felt a rush of guilt wash over his body as soon as he was out of her view but she needed to understand that she was acting out of turn, blaming those closest to her for something that was beyond their control. He shook off the pangs of guilt and made his way back downstairs after securing Ava in his arms. A quietness had overcome the house as soon as Carol had taken Jay to school. That silence soon faded when he heard Alia squawking in the living room. Robert had her sat on his knee, bouncing her as she screeched happily.

"Hey SB? What is there to do 'round here?" Crossing his arms, Cai leant over the breakfast bar once he'd made it into the kitchen.

"Honestly? There ain't shit 'round here for you to do. But listen, I gotta go see Jay's teacher later and then I'mma head 'round to Drake's. He's still got one of Lia's stuffed animals. You wanna come with?"

"A'ight, might as well." He shrugged casually and looked at his baby niece. "Can't Drake just bring it over for you?" He raised his brow questioningly.

"His car's in for repairs."

"Oh." He nodded understandingly. "Is Nika up?"

"Yeah, she's showerin'."

"Is she okay?"

"She's been better." He tried to smile and erase Cai's worried thoughts but honestly he was scared about how much this was affecting her.

"Can I go see her?"

"Maybe later, we gotta get this one fed." Motioning to Ava in his arms he started walking back towards the stairs. "But Lia needs changing, thanks." Laughing at his unamused face he continued up to their room.

Back upstairs Nicki was biting anxiously on her bottom lip as she tried to pull of her sodden bandages. It would have been much easier of she'd swallowed her pride and let her husband help but the thought of him seeing her like that was enough for her to pull her guard up. The wound was looking slightly better but it was still hideous and always would be in her eyes. Finally ripping it away from her skin she proceeded to cleanse it, dry it and apply the cream before taping on her new dressing. She knew it would take a long time to do since it was her first attempt at changing it but the length of time it took her was ridiculous. Throwing away the last of the bloodied up cotton she tied the ends of the bin bag and left it to the side. Call her squeamish but the sight of own reddened flesh and blood made her feel instantly nauseous. All she knew at that moment was that she had to get to the bed and quickly. Unbeknownst to her, Safaree was right outside the door ready to knock.

"Holy shit!" She held her chest immediately and tried to recuperate from the fright. "Stop doing that."

"I was just comin' to see how you were."

"I'm fine, thank you." Avoiding their eyes meeting she hobbled past him.

"You look really pale."

"Thanks, captain obvious." She heard him huff, but he didn't leave. "I feel really sick."

"You want somethin' for it?" He held back the covers with his free hand and let her climb in slowly. She knew had she not been through major surgery he would have spat the dummy and left the room by now but he was obviously trying to empathise with her, which she was truthfully grateful for even if she wasn't letting him see that. He knew deep down she was thankful.

"Yes, please." She held her arms out and took Ava from his grasp before settling down to feed her.

"Aight, I'll go pick some up while I'm out."

"Where you going?"

"I gotta go speak to Jay's teacher"

"Since when? And why didn't I know about this?" She frowned harshly as she spoke.

"They called yesterday. He's gettin' too much to handle and I ain't tell you 'cause you got a lot goin' on right now."

"So I'm no longer involved with sortin' my child's issues?" She scowled over at him. "The fuck would they know anyway? They don't even bother with him."

"That's not true, Nic."

"Oh really?" She readjusted a fussy Ava on her chest and glared at him. "He's autistic and they just treat him like he's some naughty child, he's not a bad kid, Safaree. They don't understand him."

"You really think so?" He furrowed his brow with thought before moving around the bed to sit on his side. He'd never really looked at it in that way. Maybe the school wasn't accommodating his needs properly. "We could try out another school?"

"What, and have him even more confused and upset than he already is? No, Safaree."

"Look, don't bite my head off at every suggestion I make, Nic. He's my son too and obviously we need to do somethin' about this."

There was a prickly silence as she looked down at Ava. "I know, you're right." Glancing back at him she exhaled slowly. "Im sorry."

"I'm not tryin' to make you feel uninvolved. I would never do that." He pushed the hair from her face as she watched Ava feed. "I'm just doin' what the doctor said. You need to recover. I can deal with the rest."

"Thank you."

"Now, what are we gonna do 'bout Jay?"

"What exactly did they say on the phone?"

"Not much. They said he doesn't get involved enough and when he does it just ends witha fight goin' down." They were both sitting with their backs to the headboard, staring ahead. Just thinking.

"What if he just keeps gettin' worse?" Her voice was timid with fear.

"Hey, we managed this far and with all this shit happenin' to us. I'm sure we can handle it."

"That's not what I'm askin' though. I want for him to lead a normal life and do normal things."

"Well we already knew things weren't gonna be perfect for him, Nic. We can't change him."

"I don't want to change him. I wouldn't change him even if I was given the choice but sometimes I wonder what his life would be like if he wasn't autistic, y'know?"

"I wonder that too."

"He could be like all the other kids, have friends and actually communicate with someone."

"He communicates with us."

"But that's different." She sniffled, making him aware of the fact that she was crying. "Ten, twenty years down the line what is he gonna be like?"

"He'll be just like our son." The way he looked at her as he spoke made her feel assured. She had no idea why, but it did. "Let's just worry about what's goin' on now, 'kay?"

"Okay."

"Good." Moving sideways he kissed her temple and stroked Ava's head. "I'mma go talk to his teacher later, I'll make sure somethin's done."

"Let me know as soon as you're done with them."

"I'll call you when I'm out." Getting off of the bed he made his way into the closet to get changed and re-emerged once he was done. "You done feedin' her?"

"Yeah."

"I'll sort her." Heading around he gently took their baby and proceeded to wind her and change her before laying her back in the bassinet. "If you need anythin' your Dad and brother are downstairs. So, shout them."

Resting back down on her side gently she just stared at him as he stood in the doorway. She looked exhausted was the only thing he could think.

***

As soon as he got parked at the school he took note of all the kids playing happily durning their lunch break. Everything Drake had told him was true. He could pick out Jayson from a mile away, sat alone with his blue truck. It pained him to see his son isolated by his own mind. Heading inside he stood and waited patiently for Jay's teacher, as instructed by the receptionist.

"Mr Samuels?"

"Yeah." He turned and shook the man's hand as he led him back to his office.

"I'm Luke Darnell, Jayson's class teacher."

"You're the one I spoke to on the phone?"

"Yes, that's me." He smiled and sat down behind his desk. "Mrs Samuels isn't coming in?"

"She's just been discharged from hospital so, no."

"Oh dear, nothing serious I hope."

"Baby number three." Safaree smiled slightly and sat down, itching to get to the main reason why he was there.

"Well, congratulations." Luke nodded his head before looking back at the papers in front of him. "I wanted to talk to you about Jayson's behaviour."

"He's a good kid."

"And I have no doubts about that, however the reports I'm receiving back from his teachers are...Not so great, Mr Samuels. I understand that Jay requires more lenience-"

"For what? He should be treated like the other kids. If we wanted him to be treated any different we woulda sent him to another school. One that specialises in dealin' with kids like him."

"He is dealt with fairly here. It's just some teachers find his behaviour quite taxing. He's a handful at the best of times."

"That's 'cause none of y'all know how to deal with him. Y'all just treat him like some kid that causes trouble all the time. That makes it worse."

"Exactly."

"Excuse me?"

"I've said the same thing during every school committee meeting we've had."

"So why am I here, when you already know what's up?" Safaree's face softened remarkably.

"Because I think I have a solution, Mr Samuels."

***

Over the next 8 weeks, their relationship seemed to deteriorate more rapidly than either could have imagined. The silences didn't help much, especially since Nicki's family had gone back home again. Now it was just them and the kids and Jayson was acting up even more than ever, reaching a new level of tantrum throwing and introverted behaviour. An added stress that Nicki could certainly do without. On the more positive side of things however, she'd almost completely recovered and could finally go back to actually doing things and not wasting away in bed 24/7.

"Can you please be doin' somethin' to help me right now?" She loitered in the living room door way with Alia sat on her hip.

"A'ight, tell me what needs doin' and I'll do it." Knocking the TV off he tossed the remote down on to the couch and turned to stare at her.

"I shouldn't have to tell you or even ask you to do things, Safaree."

"Well, we got a half hour before we leave." He stood up and replaced his hat on his head.

"Exactly and here you are sat like we got all the time in the world. Go do something."

Not reacting to her orders he brushed past her moodily and headed up the stairs. This is what things had been like over the last few weeks. The communication was at an all time low, it was either her barking orders at him or completely dismissing him. Sometimes it was like he wasn't even there. Upon reaching the top of the stairs he headed in to Jayson's room and prepared for the daily battle of getting him to dress himself.

They were heading over to Drake's for some sort of pool party. Honestly Nicki had no interest in going since she had absolutely no intention of wearing a swimsuit but the kids would enjoy it and she wanted to get out of the house for a bit. Maybe it would lift the strain on herself and SB. It was worth a try anyway.

***
Once they got there she couldn't argue that it was a nice looking pool, there was still no temptation to get in though. Hence her accidentally forgetting her swimwear. Hardly a word had been spoken between her and Safaree unless it was to do with the kids. As soon as they reached the back yard SB had taken Alia down to the poolside, leaving her with Ava who was kicking out the "Z's" and Jayson, who was just sitting quietly on the deck chair behind her. There was an abundance of people present. She hadn't expected him to invite so many.

"You're not goin' in?" Her wandering thoughts ceased when a dripping Drake moved over and sat by her in the shade.

"No, not today." She smiled. "It's not really my thing."

"Swimming is everybody's thing, especially kids." He exclaimed. "Does Jay not wanna go in?" He peered behind her at a preoccupied Jayson. He was in a world of his own, as usual.

"I think SB's gonna take him in later. Alia's havin' way too much fun to get out." She laughed genuinely as she watched Alia with Safaree in the water.

"I can't believe you came to my pool party and you ain't even gon' test the water."

"I'll dangle my feet in later, that good enough?"

"No, but I guess it's a step forward so I can be happy with that." He laughed and inadvertently grabbed SB's attention. He hated when she did this. Hardly able to muster enough energy to acknowledge her own husband yet she always had the time of day for someone else. Scowling harshly he secured Alia close to him and waded towards the pool steps before heading over to them.

"I thought you were bringin' Jay in?" He stared down at her in the lounge chair, still fully clothed.

"I already told you I'm not gettin' in." She shrugged. "Grab her towel and hand her to me and you can take him in yourself."

Feeling the tension begin to rise Drake stood up and announced he was going to the kitchen, leaving them to argue it out.

"Why you actin' so selfish, Onika? Alls am askin' is that you spend ten minutes with me whilst our kids have a good time. Once those minutes are up you can go back to givin' attention to whoever the hell you want."

The way his words cascaded over her made everything come to a stand still. "Are you serious right now? You're kickin' up 'cause I was talkin' to Drake?"

"Whatever, Nic." He shook his head angrily. "I'mma go dry her off."

For once, she decided against yelling back. It would have only caused a scene but what he'd said to her was impacting. Did he really think that? Or was he just saying it because he was mad? Noticing Drake was looking over at her she smiled quickly and turned to face Jay.

"You gonna go in the water with Daddy, Jay?" He didn't even glance at her. "Jayson, could you look at me when I'm talking to you?" Nothing. It was like talking to a brick wall. Reaching out she rested her hand on his leg and asked him again but he just shook his head no and turned to face the opposite direction. She knew it wasn't his fault and he wasn't purposely trying to upset her. But she couldn't lie and say her feelings weren't hurt right now, by more than one person.

...

*This chapter is a whole load of nothing lol I started typing it months ago and forgot it was here :( so it's even more all over the place than usual XD Anywho, I hope it was okay for whoever still reads this.*

NOTE

So as most of you know, I'm ending all of my Onikafaree fics within the next few weeks. However, I've had a couple people asking if I could maybe keep one going. I'm not sure if you all feel the same way but if there is one you might like to keep reading, which one would it be? OR I could do someone else's suggestion which was a continuation of Forever Young? Idk. :) Anywho it's up to you guys, thanks for reading.

x

Quick Question

I was just wondering how many people are actually still reading this or will still read if I post?

I know I haven't updated any my Onikafaree fics for a while and that's honestly because I've been finding it to write for them but my last two posts were really struggling for page views. So I might scrap this fic if it's gonna go the same way, this one always gets less page views anyway so if it's even less now...I might just delete it.

Anyway, if you are still checking for updates on this please let me know and I'll keep going with it.

:)

24. Just The Beginning - Part One

*Thanku for previous comments ^_^ I hope this is okay ://*

Rocking Ava in his arms he stared over at Nicki, she was watching enviously. He felt bad that she wasn't able to even hold her own child yet, but once Lila returned and changed her dressing she could hold her for as long as she wanted.

"She'll be back soon babe."

"I know, I just feel like I haven't even had chance to bond with her or anything. It's been two days since she was born and the most I've done is touched her hand." He could see her fighting her emotions, which he honestly couldn't blame. Moving back away from the window he took a seat with the bundle in his arms. She'd just been fed and was now sleeping in her Father's embrace. Both of them had their attention pulled back to the door as Lila strolled in. Nicki was still in considerable pain but they were trying to monitor her and keep on top of it, for her sake.

"Afternoon everyone. How's the little one holdin' up?" She smiled sweetly and peered down over Safaree's shoulder, looking at the peaceful baby. "She's got a pair of lungs on her hasn't she?" They all laughed at the reference to Ava's screams. She was loud when she wanted to be heard.

"Yeah, I'm surprised Nicki didn't even wake up when she was fussin' before."

"Well, let's pump you up with some sort of elephant tranquilliser and see if you wake up when she starts crying." The room fell awkwardly silent as Lila pulled the notes from the end of Nicki's bed. Safaree let the jab go over his head, putting it down to how tired his wife was and the frustration she was feeling.

"Well, everythin's lookin' fine so far, I'm just gonna change your dressin' and then we'll se if we can get Ava bonding with her Mommy." Scribbling down some extra notes she slid the clipboard back in its original place and sanitised her hands. Understandably Nicki was feeling nervous, this was the first time she'd be having her dressing changed whilst she wasn't knocked out by some super drug. She hadn't even seen the permanent damage done to her abdomen yet.

"Safaree could you please find out when Drake's bringin' the kids in?" She didn't look at him as she asked, forcing Lila to look to him for the answer.

"Sure, I'll get on it as soon as Lila's finished changi-"

"Could you just do it now, please?"

"But I wanna be here for you when your dressin' is changed."

"I don't want you in here. Please, just go call Drake or my Mom or something?" Feeling the atmosphere becoming more tense Lila stepped away to sort out some new bandaging over on one of the portable trolleys whilst Safaree just looked at his wife in disbelief. There was no way she wanted him to see what she looked like under the white bandages, she didn't even want to look herself.

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do." Keeping up with her lack of eye contact she stared down at her hands as he gently stood and placed Ava back in her bassinet before walking out slowly. He knew she was hurting but blaming him wasn't the way to deal with it, even with everything she'd been through there was no excuse for that and certainly no need for it. He did as she asked though, dialling for Mama Carol as soon as he was seated in the canteen area. If anyone could speak some sense into Nic right now, it was her Mother.

***

Sitting in the car park Drake found himself becoming overly attached to this little lifestyle he was experiencing. He smiled through the rear-view mirror at Alia's smile, her little teeth showing through as she kicked her feet about in her car seat. He knew he was early to pick Jay up from school but he was passing by anyway and going all the way back to the house seemed stupid. Drumming his fingers against the steering wheel his let his eyes scan the playground to the side of him, only to feel his smile fade. All the kids were playing cheerfully, running around and swinging off of play equipment as they all seemed to join in together but seeing the small figure sat alone with his blue truck pulled at his heart-strings. It was Jay. He continued to watch him until the bell sounded and their lunch break was over, he was collecting him early so that they could go see Nicki. As soon as he clocked the time he went inside to collect him.

"You have a good day?"

"No."

"No? Why not?" He asked worriedly as he opened the car door for the young boy. Only receiving a shrug he frowned and fastened him into the seat. "Well, we're gonna go see Mommy now."

"Really?!"

"Yeah so lemme see that smile I know she'll wanna see." He grinned at him and got one in return, hearing that he was going to see his Mom had cheered him up considerably. Thank God.

***

Back in the private hospital room Nicki was waiting anxiously as Lila delicately pulled the dressing off. She was doing it slowly but only to reduce the risk of disturbing her healing wound.

"I know I already explained this to you Nicki but due to circumstances the surgeons weren't able to access you internally using the horizontal cut. Usually that's the way a hysterectomy is performed but in some cases they've got no choice but to cut vertically."

"So, the scar will just be vertical instead of horizontal?"

"Well yes but horizontal cuts are on the bikini line, very easily hidden but with a vertical scar-"

"I'll never be able to hide it unless I'm fully clothed." She finished the sentence solemnly and looked down. Lila didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was and decided to concentrate on removing the bandage. Nicki couldn't look, she felt the tape pull away from her skin as the air hit her exposed stomach but she couldn't bring herself to look down.

"Alright Nicki, the dressing's off if you want to take a quick peek?"

"I can't." She immediately brought her hand to her face as the tears started to collect on her bottom lid.

"Hey, it's okay." Lila held Nicki's free hand comfortingly. "Just take your time, there's no rush." With a couple of minutes of silence, only her soft sobs could be heard before she shakily looked down. And there it was. The swelling and redness made it look even worse than it actually was but the distinct and ugly stapled cut ran from her belly button down to her pelvic region. She choked up instantly as Lila quickly grabbed a bowl as a precaution.

"Oh my God!" She cried out. "I can't look at it."

"Now, it's still early days but once the swelling and puffiness has gone down the scar will start to heal and soon it'll just look like a little white line." She knew she was lying but at the same time she also knew that as a nurse it was her job to comfort patients.

"That doesn't change what's missing from inside me." She paused tearfully. "Can you please cover it back up? I don't wanna see it." Facing away again she let the tears carry on rolling down her cheeks as Lila sighed defeatedly and proceeded to fix up her new dressing. Once she was finished she lay the sheets back over her body and disposed of everything.

"I'll let Safaree know I'm done on my way past the canteen."

"No, I just want a couple minutes by myself. Please?" Her voice was quiet and raspy.

"Sure, but when I get back up in half an hour here we're gonna try and get you nursing her. I think he should be here for that." She gave her a knowing look and left the room. As her primary nurse she was beginning to get a little worried about her progression.

She went against her orders and took the long route to the canteen, giving her the couple minutes she asked for. Seeing his bowed head resting in his hands at a corner table she made her way over quietly.

"Safaree?"

"Hm?" He jumped a little as he snapped out of his little snooze.

"Sorry to startle you, I just thought I'd let you know I'm finished changing her dressing. I'm going on a short break but when I get back I'll talk you through how to change the bandages yourself for when you leave to go home and we'll see if Nicki's feeling up to nursing Ava too."

"Thanks for lettin' me know." He nodded gratefully. "That sounds good, how'd she go? Y'know with the dressin'?" She felt so terrible for him being out of the loop like this but she had to try and understand Nicki's reasons. Plus, given her state she was mentally and emotionally all over the place right now.

"It was a little rough actually, I thought it would have gone more smoothly but it'll take time. Give her a chance." She smiled warmly and rested her hand on his shoulder before walking away.

"Oh, Lila wait!" Jogging over to her he came to a halt where she'd stopped.

"Yeah?"

"Is it okay for our other kids to go in and see her and Ava?"

"Of course, just don't let them be climbing all over her." She gave him one last smile and went on her break, leaving him to make his way back up to see his wife. When he re-entered the room he was alarmed to find Nicki trying to stand up unaided.

"Nicki! The hell are you doing?!" He moved over to her side quickly. "You're not even supposed to be on your feet yet!"

"Well she was crying Safaree, I had to do something!" He ignored her harsh yells as he helped her back into the bed.

"I'll pass her to you, just stay still. I'ont want you to do somethin' to your stitches." Once he was sure she was back in the bed properly he reached into Ava's hospital crib to pick up the fussy baby, cradling her momentarily before he attempted to move her into Nicki's arms. "You comfortable?"

"Yeah." She sniffled slightly as she whispered, finally about to hold her baby properly for the first time. Feeling her little body being placed into her arms she felt so overwhelmed and began to cry. Safaree moved away, letting her absorb the moment since he'd already experienced the moment more than a few times. "Oh my God Safaree. Look at her, she's so perfect." Her eyes flicked over every part of her baby's small frame as she admired her. She felt emotionally drained but she couldn't stop the tears.

"I know, she looks so much like Alia don't you think?" He sat on the edge of the bed next to her before kissing her temple gently.

"Just a lil' chubbier than Lia." She smiled genuinely, still watching their baby's tiny face as she yawned.

"Lila said when she gets back you can try nursin' her if you want?"

"Oh, I don't know Faree. I've only just held her for the first time, what if she won't do it?" The uncertainty, fear and worry present in her voice made him instantly forget how she behaved earlier. He knew this was going to be a long and stressful recovery but he'd be there for her. Just like she was there for him.

"It'll be fine, I promise." Kissing her again he ran his hand over Ava's head. "Oh, Drake messaged me before. He's gon' be here with Jay and Alia soon."

"Aww." She pouted slightly and sniffled as the tears were still burdening her. "I've missed my babies so much."



Out in the parking lot Drake was struggling to secure Alia in his arms at the same time as keeping tabs on where Jay was at.

"Aye, get back here." At the sound of his voice Jay stopped running and looked back at him.

"I'm not going far."

"That don't matter, you gotta stay wit'me. C'mere." He extended his arm out and grabbed Jay's hand as they walked in, getting directions to her room straight away before they climbed in the elevator. He was kind of nervous for some unknown reason and noticing that they'd reached the floor she was on only made it worse.

"Is Mommy still sick?" He peered up at Drake's face waiting of an answer whilst they strolled down the corridor to her room.

"She's not feelin' too good but she's gettin' better, I promise." His eyes kept scanning each room number only for his feet to stop moving once he realised they were at her door.

* It's a lil' short but all my chapters are so, y'know? Lol hope this was alright :// Sorry for any typos too lol there could be a fair few!*

23. Hanging On

*Thanku for the comments left on chapter 22 ^_^ Hope this is okay for you all :)) I wasn't gonna update this one tbh but strangely it got the most requests! This one only ever gets like one request lmao! Anyway I hope it's okay :/*

The bright lights around him were blaring. The whiteness mixed with the noise and the smell was bringing back all the memories as he sat waiting. He hated that part the most. Not being told anything. This must be how she felt that night when she was called down to the the hospital after his accident. Constantly switching his gaze on the people passing by he kept his knee bouncing nervously, images of her lifeless body being loaded into the back of the ambulance were haunting him. He was just glad Drake had kept Jay away from having to see his Mom like that. There was so much blood. It was still all over his clothes and hands.

"Mr samuels?"

"Yeah?" He stood up instantly, wiping his hands nervously over his thighs. "What's happenin' with my wife? is she okay? And our baby too? They took her from me and never said where they were goin'."

"Please, calm down sir. Your daughter was taken up to the maternity ward where she's gettin' checked over. From what I've seen and heard she's perfectly fine." She saw his body jolt with relief.

"And Nicki, my wife, what about her?"

"Last I heard she'd been taken into the operating room, I was just coming down here to lead you there." She gently put her hand on his arm before walking ahead a little. "Right this way." He didn't stop to ask anymore questions, just followed her. The walk there was brief and they came to a halt outside a room. "Once she's out of the O.R. they'll bring her back here, but whilst you wait I could take you to see your baby?"

"Yeah, I wanna see her." He licked his lips and trailed behind her slowly, his mind swimming with thoughts. What if she didn't make it? She was the love of his life and the mother of his three children. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't live without her.

"Here you go Mr Samuels, just be sure to sanitise your hands before entering. Your baby is-"

"The one on the far left. I see her already." She smiled sweetly at him recognising her. "I'll leave you to it, you know how to get back to her room don't you?"

"Yeah I think so." He kept his eyes on their baby girl whilst the Nurse turned to leave but he quickly stopped her. "Nicki's gonna be okay, isn't she?" The look on her face was not one he wanted to see.

"I'm afraid at this point we can't really say. I'm sorry, you and your family'll be in my prayers." She dipped her head and walked away, leaving him stood stunned. He remained the same for a few solid minutes before an older woman leaned out of the door.

"Can I help you sir?"

"Uh, yeah, I came to see my baby girl. She's right there." He smiled as best he could and pointed through the glass to the crib she lay in.

"Okay, well come through. Just sanitise your hands before you come in." She did it too before allowing the door to shut behind them. It was kind of quiet in there considering it was a room full of babies. All except the loud thudding of his heart as they got closer. "Here we are, baby Samuels. Do you and your partner have a name for her?"

"No, we haven't even talked about names yet." He chuckled a little at how unorganised they were even though the baby was late, but then the latter part of his sentence kicked in. They hadn't discussed baby names yet. What if they never got chance?

"Mr Samuels, did you hear what I said?"

"Huh?"

"I said you could hold her if you want." She was looking up at him in wonder as he kept a still, fixed stare on his baby. "Is this your first?"

'No." He paused momentarily. "Third actually. Two girls and a boy now. They got us outnumbered by one." He smiled and leant in gently to pick her up. She was grunting a little at first but soon settled once he had her cradled in his arms.

"There you go, I'll be across the corridor if you need anythin' and there are seats behind you if you want to sit."

"Thanks." He didn't look back up again and slowly lowered himself into a chair. Hoping and praying that Nicki would be okay.

***

It had been hours and as much as he wanted to spend those hours with their newborn he couldn't just sit there and not be waiting by Nicki's door. Still, nobody had any news for him and he was beginning to get irate. Not to mention paranoid that everyone knew something but just weren't telling him. The way they all looked at him sympathetically and did the same stare whilst folding their lips and looking forward again as they continued on down the hallway. Holding his shaky hand over his face his eyes soon landed on a pair of feet stood before him.

"Mr Samuels?"

"Yeah?" The conversation so far felt like a repeat of his earlier encounter with the nurse who led him to see their baby. He could feel his whole body shaking, partly with fear and partly with anticipation.

"Your wife, Onika Samuels?"

"Yes, is she okay?" Once again he could feel his heart racing, beating so hard it felt as though it was in his throat.

"Well, we've managed to get her stabilised but she lost a lot of blood." Although it was good news, that she was alive but he could sense there was something else coming. A weight was lifted as soon as he knew she wasn't dead. "However, you have to understand that the seriousness of her bleeding was immense."

"But she's gonna be okay though, right?" All of a sudden he could feel himself starting to sweat again, panic overtaking.

"For now, she's stable but the next few hours and early days are going to be critical. The only way we could stem the bleeding was to perform an emergency hysterectomy."

"A hysterectomy? You mean-"

"I'm so sorry, we had no other choice. And yes..." He paused. "I'm afraid that does mean Onika can't ever conceive or carry another child but if you ever decided to expand your family there are other options you can look into." The doctor received no response from Safaree. His mind was reeling, his mouth dry and his heart pounding. "Mr. Samuels?"

"Ye-Yeah, I'm just..." He trailed off and smoothed his hand over his face before falling back on to the chair. He was trying desperately to hold himself together but this was going to kill Nicki. All she'd ever talked about was having a big family, although they loved the children they did have, to have more would have been picturesque. "I'm just tryin' get my head 'round all of this like..." He died off again before sighing.

"I understand it's a lot to take in, but Onika is stable right now. Our focus should be on her recovery, she needs you by her side. You can go sit with her if you'd like? I can let the nurses know not to remove you. I mean, she's asleep and won't wake for a while but she'll be aware of your presence."

"Thank you, for everythin' you've done for her." He stood and shook his hand gratefully before he was led to her room. Left alone with her with all the feelings cascading over him, he could only hear her heart monitor bleeping with each beat of her heart. The roles were reversed this time. Only months ago it was her sitting by his side, he was in a much less life-threating state but still, that wasn't the point. Clutching at her motionless hand, he sat by her side for a while before a nurse entered. Moving over to the chart at the end of the bed she pulled it up and clicked her pen before starting to scribble things down. He was too drained, emotionally and mentally to strike up conversation but noticing her stop writing he peered up at her.

"Congratulations, on the the new arrival I mean. I checked in on her on my way down, she's adorable." She moved closer to him.

"Thanks." His voice was low and tired and she could tell he was down in spirit.

"Y'know, you could have her brought down? She's not in need of any special medical attention, I could just have her moved to this room?"

"Really? I mean, it's okay for you to do that?"

"Sure, I'll go get one of the porters to wheel her down." She smiled sweetly and headed out. He'd feel better once their baby was there with them, that way he could be with the pair of them.

***

"When's Mommy coming home?" Jay asked for the seventh time since they'd left, this was also the fifth time Drake had put him back in his bed.

"I'on know, but she'll be home soon with your new baby sister and your Dad." He tucked him in gently. "Now go to sleep."

"I'm thirsty."

"You just had-" He shook his head. "Never mind, whatta you want? Water?"

"Yes please."

"Aight, well stay put. I'mma bring it up here."

"But Mommy said we're not allowed drinks upstairs!" Drake turned to stare at his wide-eyed face.

"Well, what Mommy doesn't know won't hurt her, right?" He took a while to respond but finally smiled back at him.

"Right." Giggling at the thought of sharing a little secret with Drake he lay back and watched him leave. Honestly Drake had no idea what to say each time he asked when his Mom was coming home. From the looks of things, the way she was put into the ambulance it seemed she might not even be coming home. He violently shook his head as he filled a small plastic cup with some bottled water. He couldn't even bare to think of what might have happened, he just prayed for her family's sake that she was okay. He finished off the task at hand and gave Jay his water. Thankfully the next time he checked up on them both they were fast asleep. Alia had been no trouble, dropping off to sleep as soon as he lay her in the crib but Jay was the total opposite, a nightmare. It had been a long night, probably an even longer one for Safaree but the more sleep he managed to get now, the more he could help them out when they returned. He knew Nicki would but exhausted and SB would be left looking after two kids and a newborn and he wanted to support them as much as he could. Slowly climbing into bed he let the dramatic events of the day seep into his mind until he dozed off.

Back at the hospital Safaree was struggling to keep his own eyes open, he had Nicki laying silently in front of him and their baby to the side of his chair. They were both sleeping, Nicki had no choice but she looked just as peaceful as their baby girl. There was so much weighing on his mind, trying to deal with the horrendous memories and fears he still harboured and the lives of his loved ones at this very moment all at the same time as trying to be the strength that helped them all through it. Nicki was strong, she would overcome this. She had to.

***

The next morning SB was awoken with a start, he imagined he'd be woke by their unnamed baby crying but instead it was the urgent bleeping of Nicki's heart monitor. Quickly jumping up he was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes as his heart started to race. The feeling of sheer panic subsided when he blinked to see a confused looking Nicki staring back at him. Her head jolted suddenly when the doors burst open. She'd obviously come around from her induced sleep and accidentally tugged the wires off of her body.

"Onika, we need to keep these on." The young nurse, now known to Safaree as Lila, started re-attaching all of the wires as he continued to stare at his wife in a daze. It took him a couple of seconds to adjust to what was going on. She couldn't speak with the mask on her face and tried to pull it off weakly, only to be stopped by Lila. "And that too, it needs to stay on. You have to rest." Her stern yet calming look made Nicki retreat her hand, replacing it back by her side as she moved her head to look at Safaree sleepily. He saw her eyes, still halfway shut as they moved to lay on the hospital crib containing their baby. After a few seconds of just staring she felt his hand grasp on to hers as he sat down again, pulling their baby closer too.

"Can you see her?" His voice held so much emotion and even in her current state she could still recognise that. Nodding slowly she squeezed his hand lightly, feeling a tear stream down her cheek. Before Lila could say anything Dr Adams strolled through the door, stopping immediately when he saw the baby.

"Nurse Jackson, why isn't the baby in the nursery?"

"Well, I just thought that it would be better for her to be with her parents." She smiled nervously as Safaree looked between the two colleagues.

"I know you only mean well but Onika is recovering from a major surgical procedure. She needs to rest, so could you please sign her back into the nursery?"

"Yes Dr Adams." She blushed and began rearranging the baby blankets before wheeling her out, Nicki had tried to say something but Safaree calmed her quickly. No longer caring for being ordered about she pulled the oxygen mask off of her face.

"Why is she taking her away?" SB looked at the doctor worriedly before grabbing Nicki's hand again in preparation. Originally he had wanted to tell her himself but with Dr Adams explaining he could just concentrate on comforting her. Knowing Mama Carol and the rest of Nic's direct family were on their was was a huge comfort to him also. Walking over to the other side of her bed he began to speak.

"Onika, although you won't be feeling it right now because of the pain relief but you're recovering from a very serious medical procedure." He looked between the married couple as she turned to Safaree for answers.

"Please, let me explain it to her?" With a sudden change of heart, SB wanted to be the one to tell her. He felt it was only right.

"Of course, I'll just step outside for a while but I'll be back to check on you." He looked at Nicki as he spoke the latter of his sentence before leaving them. The all too familiar sound of silence filled the room again, all but her heart monitor could be heard.

"Safaree? What's goin' on?"

"Well, you're both fine, that's the most important thing. Okay?" He laced his fingers with hers, the tears were already staining her cheeks as she nodded small and sniffled. "But we had to call an ambulance last night, you were losing so much blood and Faye couldn't stop it." He tried to keep his voice calm but the thought of telling her was hurting him already. "They had to do an emergency hysterectomy to save you."

"A hyster-" She cut her sentence off and brought her hand shakily up to her mouth. "A hysterectomy?"

"Nicki, baby I'm so sorry but it's the only option they had left. I really thought I'd lost you y'know?" He crept forwards more in his chair as she cried silently to herself. "But you're okay, you're alive and you're gonna be fine."

"But a hysterectomy Safaree? I can't ever have another baby, even if I decide I want one I can't..." She trailed off as the tears became too uncontrollable.

"There are other ways we can go about it, and we already have three beautiful kids Nic. We don't need any more. We've got the most perfect family already." He could feel himself getting emotional and tried desperately to stop himself.

"But I can't do the most basic thing a woman should be able to do." Her hand moved up to her face momentarily as she swiped at the tears. The obvious shake in her voice was killing him not to mention the evident hurt in her expression.

"Don't think like that, please? You know I love you no matter what, and that's not a question. You should know that. You and our three kids are my world and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm just so thankful that you're both alive after yesterday."

"I love you too." She kept her watery eyes fixed on his as she swallowed hard and exhaled to try and calm herself a little bit. As well as feeling like she'd been hit by a truck there was a dull aching feeling all across her abdomen whilst she tried to shift to a more comfortable position. The main thought running through her mind at that point was how the only thing making her feel like a whole woman had been snatched away from her and although she was happy to be alive she wondered how the hell she was supposed to come to terms with this.

...

*Personally I'm not happy with this chapter but I was sick of it haunting me so I just had to post it! Now I can focus on getting my ideas back on track! Thanks for all the comments on the previous chapter and I hope this was alright for you all. Also if you DON'T want to be notified via twitter when I post just tell me because I hate to feel like I'm bothering some of you when I tweet about it :/ So just let me know so I can take you off the tweet list :) Anyway, hope you all had a Merry Christmas! ^_^ *

22. Late Arrival - Part Two

*Hope this is okaaayish! I really don't like it because I feel like it's really stilted cause I did it over a few days which I hate doing! Also I hate writing birth scenes, just saying. And I think I already mentioned this before but I have some weird hip condition and it isn't good for me to be sat too long like I am when I type so this would have been posted AGES ago if it wasn't for that reason and exams :/ Sorry! Anyway, I'm posting the full chapter on FY after my last exam and then I'll do CM. Hopefully my ideas and writing should be better after exams are outta the way! I'm so tired so I'm prolly typing a whole load of nonsense :(*

Drake sat Alia down on the couch whilst he fixed the TV on to a good channel, he felt terrible but hearing Nicki groaning in pain upstairs was making him feel kind of awkward. He didn't quite know what to do with himself. Imagine his horror when he heard SB shouting for him. At first he just thought it was just in his mind and that the volume of the TV mixed with Nicki's moaning was making him hear noises. But then he heard it again. Quickly scooping Alia up he made his way to their room cautiously, not knowing what he was going to be greeted with. Opening the door he popped his head in slowly only to see Nicki using the dresser as something to lean on as she swayed. Safaree was fixing the floor mat.

"Oh there you are, took you so long?" He shook his head quickly. "Never mind, could you go dial for Faye? Her name and number is on the paper pinned to the fridge." He never took his attention away from what his was doing, in fact he seemed more frantic and panicky than Nicki.

"Sure. What 'bout Alia? You want me to put her to bed?"

"Yeah, I'on think she'll sleep though." He nodded and did as he was asked. After he lay Alia down he skipped down the stairs swiftly and called Faye. He car had broken down but she was doing her best to get there as soon as she could. As he moved quickly back up to their room he told Safaree what Faye had said and was about to leave again when SB stopped him.

"Woah, where you goin'?"

"Back downstairs...Why?" His face was shocked thinking that SB needed him to stay. He knew nothing about birth and all that gory stuff.

"Well I might need an extra pair of hands." He couldn't elaborate any further before Jay appeared at the door, wide eyed at what was going on. He grumbled when Drake tried to touch him, forcing Safaree to deal with the touchy tyke. The whole room fell silent, barring Nicki's recovering breaths as she stood up straight. Resting one hand on her lower back she leant on herself, rubbing her bump with the other hand.

"Don't look so freaked out." She smiled at his nervous face as she moved back over to the edge of the bed.

"Sorry, all this stuff is new to me." The jittery way he rubbed the back of his head was a dead giveaway.

"Mm, I figured." She nodded before returning some of the moisture back to her lips as she licked them. "Could you please hand me that water?"

"Sure." He did as she asked, watching her like a hawk whilst she replenished her thirst and set the bottle back down on the carpeted floor. Her face contorted as she felt another contraction starting.

"Oh God." Sucking air through her teeth she steadily stood herself up and swayed some more.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to get Safaree?" His face right now was priceless not to mention the way he was stood.

"Mmm. No, no I'm fine." She breathed deeply after each word, regaining her breath. "Can you sit down, you're makin' me feel on edge." She smiled at him as he rushed to sit on the wicker chair whilst she resumed her seat on the bed. Relief washed over him as Safaree re-entered the room with his phone pressed to his ear.

"No, they're gettin' closer together." He paused and focused on Nicki's body language as she readied herself again. "Well, where are you?" Drake could hear the tone of anger rising in his voice, more out of panic than actual anger. "Shit, Faye that's ages away!" Folding his lips he quickly moved over to his wife as she panted through another contraction, he knew they were getting worse. Even Drake could tell. "Aight, see you soon." He ended the call and slid his phone back into his pocket whilst he soothed Nicki.

"What's goin' on?"

"She can't get her car goin' and she's stuck waitin' for fucking roadside assistance." He was interrupted by Nicki groaning as she clenched her teeth. After a few uncomfortable moments of listening to her moan out in pain he continued where he left off. "If she's not here soon I have to get her on loud speaker, she'll have to talk us through it."

"Us?" Drake rose to his feet unsurely. He didn't want to impose nor did he want to be an unhelpful prick and refuse to help.

"Yeah. Us. Don't worry you ain't gonna be gettin' your hands dirty Drake." He shook his head and helped Nicki to stand as she grasped at his tatted arms.

"Ugh, they're gettin' worse." Straightening her back out she kept using Safaree's frame as a crutch.

"I know babe but we're almost there, just keep doin' those breathin' techniques yeah?" She only nodded as she tried to sweep the hair from her flushed face. "Drake could you go run the water and fill the tub? Not too hot though."

"Uhm, yeah. Sure." Not hesitating he did what he requested and ran the taps to a nice temperature. He could hear her humming as SB muttered comforting words to her. This went on for more than twenty-five minutes, Nicki was getting closer to giving birth and Faye was still waiting on the roadside assistance. She had no choice but to be there for them via the phone. As Safaree got in touch with her he motioned for Drake to help Nicki into the tub and ran downstairs to grab everything Faye was telling him to get. She'd stripped down to nothing but her underwear as Drake cautiously held her hand and helped her to lower down into the water.

"Thank you." She breathed as the water submerged her more and more until she was sat comfortably, leaning back.

"Is it okay? Not too hot?"

"No, it's fine." She fixed her now soaked bra strap and looked back to the door frame hearing Safaree coming back. Drake moved out of the way immediately, he felt like a spare part just watching on as he was.

"Okay, I got everythin' we need." He sat the phone next to the sink and put it on loud speaker before sitting himself on the side of the tub. "You okay?"

"Mmm. Yeah, for now." Hearing Alia crying Drake jumped up quickly, happy to get out of their way as Nicki began having another contraction.

***

It had been well over three more hours and finally at around 2am Faye managed to get to the house ensuring that Drake didn't have to help, much to his relief. He could still hear everything though. It had been more than fourteen hours and still no baby, Faye concluded that it was down to the baby's position since she was laying back to back with Nicki, which is why she was having so much back pain. Safaree felt her hand tighten around his as he was sat behind her acting as a support. They got her out of the tub before Faye arrived, partly because the water was cold and it didn't seem to be doing anything to help with the pain and was in fact slowing down the contractions. Faye was trying to encourage her to sit up or get on her knees but she was well and truly drained, which was beginning to worry her a little.

"Safaree could you come 'round to the front of her? I'm going to step out to make a phone call. I won't be a minute." she kept her voice calm and smiled as he did what she asked before she left the room.

"Sit up Nic, Faye said it'll be easier for you." She had no choice anyway since he'd moved from behind her she had nothing to lean on. Slowly sitting herself up she kept a tight hold on both of Safaree's hands as he helped her to her knees. She was right when she said it was going to be a long night. The hours went by excruciatingly slow, and Faye was beyond happy when she started crowning. If it didn't happen soon the only option left was rushing her to hospital and that would have just caused more stress along the way. Safaree couldn't remember her being in this much pain last time or even the time before that as he rubbed her back. Both he and Faye were uttering words of encouragement as she panted and groaned.

"You're almost there Nicki." Even though Faye was only trying to help her, she could feel herself getting more angry and impatient.

"You've been sayin' that for the last two hours." Her head was hung low as her arms rested on the side of the bed weakly. She was glad to be off of the bathroom tiles, they were hurting her knees although that was nothing compared to the other pain she was experiencing. Safaree was massaging her lower back to try and remove some of the pain, it was working a little so she was thankful.

"I know Nicki, I'm sorry, but I really mean it this time. You've got the hard part done." She was supporting the baby's head with both hands since it was a fair drop to the floor from where she was. Watching her facial expression Safaree frowned before speaking up worriedly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, there's just a little more blood than I'd imagined." He followed her eyes and studied the red patch on the mat he'd set up, it was all over her legs and Faye's gloved hands too.

"Is that normal? 'Cause I don't remember seein' that much with the other two."

"Look, let's just focus on keeping her calm and getting the baby out first." She was terrible at hiding her concern as SB unsurely turned back to massaging his distressed wife.

"Please, just get her out!" She'd gone from aggressively shouting to pleading tearfully. It didn't last much longer before that familiar feeling of relief washed over her heated body. She'd done it.

"Here, get ready to grab her." Faye guided the baby's body between her legs and into her hands as Safaree helped her turn around and sit back against the foot of the bed with the baby secured against her chest. Working quickly, Faye rummaged through her bag of equipment to find the clamp for the cord. In the meantime she was glad to hear the baby start crying momentarily before settling again.

"She's finally here." Safaree spoke exasperatedly as he stroked her head gently whilst Nicki sat exhausted next to him, looking at the baby in her arms she shut her eyes and smiled thanking God that it was over. Watching the baby intently SB was forced to tear his eyes away when he saw Nicki's hands relax on the hold she had of their baby.

"Safaree go grab me some more towels, quickly!" He whipped his head up to look at Faye as she sat in between Nicki's legs. There was blood everywhere, around three white towels were all stained crimson red as she held them in place. "Safaree!" He was frozen, everything went quiet in his mind as he kept changing his focus between a flustered Faye and a lifeless Nicki. She was no longer sitting but more slumped against the bed now, the baby still laying on her chest and her hands resting on either side of her.

...

*I'm sorry it's a little short, the next one should be better executed than this one :( Mainly because my exams will be over! Thank goodness, anyway I hope this was alright :/ Thanku so much for comments left on the previous chapter! ^_^ *

21. Late Arrival - Part One

*Okaaaay so I've been neglecting HIA but I'm updating now so it's all good ^_^ BUT I have no idea what's going on with me atm, I have the worst case of writer's block :/ Anyways I tried, so I hope this is ok for you all*

Hovering over the 'Unlock' button Nicki stood and thought. What if it was something serious that was bothering Safaree? Or maybe he did have another woman like she initially thought. Letting her mind run ridiculously wild she shook off all the thoughts and proceeded to search through his messages. Frowning to herself she opened the first one from an unknown number, all that was in the message was a date. Maybe it was a meeting date? She frowned even harder realising that the date was one that had passed months ago. Moving on to the next one she saw just how many there were, all with the same date.

"The fuck?" She elongated the profanity quietly to herself before remembering that Carson was still upstairs. Putting the phone back down she grabbed his water and picked Alia back up again. As she made her way upstairs she couldn't hear any movement. Reaching the top she looked around and noticed Jayson's door open, she couldn't believe the nerve of this guy. Pushing the door open silently she stood still and cleared her throat making him jump.

"Excuse me, I said there were none in the bedrooms or bathrooms. So why the hell you lookin' through my child's stuff?"

"Sorry, I just noticed-"

"Can you please get out?" She moved back out of the room and held the door open as he placed the picture of Jay and Safaree back on the dresser.

"Of course, listen I didn't mean to act out of turn. It's just I have a son a similar age, they look a little alike." He did as she asked and moved out of the room. She honestly didn't know what to make of this guy, there was something not quite right about him.

"Well that gave you no right to wander on in there and start touching his things." She bounced a fussy Alia as she spoke. "And I'm assumin' you fixed the wire right?" She asked whilst cocking her head with attitude. His blushing face showed his embarrassment.

"Yes, all sorted I'll be gettin' outta your way now." He rubbed his hands together. "Oh, and that service was free of charge too."

"Too right." She motioned to the stairs as Alia rested her sleepy head on her shoulder. "And thanks, I guess." She mumbled the latter as she showed him out, relieved that he was gone, he was a little strange to say the least. Muttering to Alia she went back upstairs and drew her curtains before placing her in her crib for a nap, now she could finally have her shower in hope that the hot water would soothe her aching back. Honestly it had been hurting the past day or two and as soon as she had her baby girl she would be relieved. Hearing another knock on the door she cursed before throwing her robe on and marching as best she could to the door. Snatching it open she was close to giving this person a gobful thinking it was Carson but it was Drake.

"Hey." He looked over her as he paused. "Bad time?"

"No, come in." She pulled the door open and let him slide past her. "Safaree should be home soon, he only went to drop Jay off at school." She double knotted her robe as she talked.

"Aight, well you want me to come back later?" Using his thumb to point at the door he waited for her to answer.

"Don't be silly, he'll be home soon. You want somethin' to eat?" She figured if she had to wait around a little more a bit of food wouldn't hurt.

"Nah I'm good thanks." He followed her through to the kitchen and sat down, watching her open a box of Ritz crackers. "So, you're still pregnant?"

"Ugh, don't even get on to that." She rolled her eyes and sat down steadily on the chair opposite him. "I'm so freaking fed up of feelin' like a damn balloon."

"When was she due?"

"Like, three days ago! hopefully somethin' happens within the next day otherwise.." She trailed off and shook her head whilst throwing another cracker into her mouth. Hearing Alia's cries she sighed heavily and went to stand up.

"You want me to go?"

"Would you? She's prolly just thrown her pacifier outta the crib, she does it every time." He smiled cheerfully and stood up. "Thanks Drake."

"No problem." As soon as he'd gone she heard Alia stop crying and sighed with relief, she honestly couldn't face climbing the stairs again with all the extra weight but suddenly feeling a strong pain in her back she leant forward quickly and cried out. It was only just easing up as Drake came back in. "Nicki? Are you okay?" He placed a hand on her shoulder and could feel her breathing as she brought her head back up. His face had worry written all over it as she stretched her back out.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Raising his brows at her obvious discomfort she quickly dismissed him. "Really Drake, I'm fine. Thanks for seein' to her." Continuing to eat her crackers he let go of her shoulder and sat down again. "So, no new ladies on the scene then?"

"No, I'm still alone." He laughed at her pouting and shrugged. "But it's all good, who said I didn't wanna be a lonely old man?"

"Oh my God, you are not old!" He laughed more at the fact that she was laughing but she soon turned serious again.

"What's up?" He tilted forward and rested his elbows on the table waiting for her to speak. She took a moment, furrowing her brows as she chomped on her crackers.

"Has Safaree been actin', y'know? A little weird 'round you lately?" 

"What, you mean like distracted?"

"Yeah! So, you've noticed too? It's not just me over-reactin'?"

"No I've noticed." He looked down and cleared his throat a little. "He okay?" Her long sigh said it all.

"I don't know, he won't talk 'bout anythin' that's not related to the kids, or the baby." She subconsciously rested her hands on her bump. "So he hasn't said anythin' to you?"

"No, sorry. But if he does I'll see if he'll talk to me 'bout it or whatever."

"Thanks." She smiled and offered him a cracker before moving through to the lounge-room.

It had been almost five hours and Safaree still wasn't back, she was trying to hide it but she was getting worried. Not just for that reason though. She knew all along that the pain she'd had in her back and the other two that followed were contractions. Reaching for her phone she shook her head realising he'd left his here so there was no way of getting hold of him.

"Look, Ion wanna take away any more of your time. I'll just call in later when he's home."

"No, no it's fine he'll be back. He prolly just ran some errands or somethin' whilst he was out and saw no point comin' back since he's gotta pick Jay up at three." Holding eye contact he just nodded and sat down again. He hated that he liked her and wanted to spend time with her as a friend but was terrified that he'd grow even more attracted. Being Safaree's friend and constantly being around him would mean often being in her company too and he didn't think he'd be able to handle that. As his thoughts polluted his own mind Nicki was sat on the opposite couch running through her own. So Drake had been with her for almost five hours now and she'd had three contractions, they were irregular and all lasted for a different amount of time so she obviously wasn't about to pop a baby out any time soon. She relaxed a little knowing that and the fact that they had planned a home birth so if anything did happen all they had to do was call Faye. Her back was fairly aching though, and she just hoped Safaree came home when he was supposed to. None of the contractions she'd had were intense but they weren't comfortable obviously. Feeling it tighten some more as she had another one she wrinkled her brow causing Drake to look over at her.

"Okay, there's somethin' wrong I can just tell. What is it?" He moved to the edge of his seat looking over her pained face for an answer.

"Nothing, it'll pass in a few seconds." Her breathless answer didn't help him feel any less uneasy about all of this.

"No, it must be somethin' if you said it's gon' pass." Standing himself up he sat on the same couch as her and tried to look at her face.

"Okay, but don't panic or anythin'." She pulled her leg from underneath herself and sat up to try and stop her lower back from aching. "I just had another contraction."

"Another?! You mean you had more than one? Nicki, why the hell didn't you say anythin'?" He stood up not knowing what to do.

"Will you please keep it down? Alia's asleep."

"Keep it down? Nicki you just casually told me that you're in labour, how am I s'posed to stay calm and-"

"Drake?" He stopped rambling and looked down at her relaxed face. "This is my third time doin' this, I'll know when it's really happening." She laughed a little at his embarrassed face. "Stop worryin' so much, Safaree'll be home soon anyway."

*** An Hour Later ***

Sitting silently in the school car park he decided he'd given Nicki enough time to calm down, he looked at Jay in the backseat before setting off home. He didn't know what to do about the texts or whether or not to even tell her about them. He thought through his ideas all the way home, if he kept it quiet and things got worse then surely Nicki would be pissed but if he told her he had no clue what would happen. He was in a trance the entire ride back, truthfully he had been like this for a few weeks now. He felt disconnected and distant and that same feeling he'd just got past after the accident was forcing its way back into his life. But it wasn't just his life, it was affecting his wife and children too. Pulling into the driveway he braced himself for the rant he might be receiving when he entered. It was quiet as he opened the door and dropped the keys on the side-table, taking Jay's coat and shoes off her handed his bag to him and told him to take it to his room. Moving into the lounge room he saw Nicki and Drake talking.

"Hey." She looked up at his sheepish face immediately, noticing how quiet he sounded.

"Hey, I didn't even hear you get back." Pausing she looked at Drake as if to ask for some privacy. He understood and took himself to the bathroom, making sure to say hello to Safaree on the way past. As soon as he'd disappeared up the stairs SB moved over and sat next to her on the couch.

"You cooled down a little?" She pulled a strand of hair behind her ear as she nodded.

"Yeah, I'm sorry for yellin' this mornin' but you gotta understand where I'm comin' from right?"

"I know, I'm sorry. I been actin' like a dick lately and I just-"

"Well, don't act like one! Just talk to me, y'know? Communicate Safaree." She grabbed his hand gently as he sighed. She knew that going about this her usual way would end up in a massive argument and neither of them speaking for a day or two and honestly she didn't want to push him away. Especially not after how far he'd come since the accident. That's when it clicked, the date in all those messages was the date that Safaree was in the car crash.

"Nicki? You hear what I just said?"

"Hm? No, sorry, what did you say?"

"I said I'm gonna try that, instead of just bottlin' it up I'm gon' try to..." He stopped and tried to think of the word.

"Express yourself?"

"Yeah." She smiled at his answer before wincing as she had another mild contraction. "Nicki what's wrong?" He immediately went into worry mode seeing her grimace in pain.

"Well if you'd taken your phone with you this mornin' you'd already know that I started havin' contractions after you left." She joked through the pain as his eyes lit up slightly.

"You mean it's time, she's really comin'?"

"Mhmm, so you best be ready 'cause I have a feelin' it's gonna be a long night."

"Wait, how many have you had?"

"That was the fifth in like, seven hours."

"And you sure you still wanna have her here? I mean it's not too late to go to the hospital." He tilted his forehead forward as he waited for her to answer.

"No I wanna have her here, we just gotta call Faye when the contractions get a bit more regular." Suddenly remembering she hadn't even seen Jay since he got home she steadily stood herself up with Safaree's help. "Where's Jay at?"

"He headed upstairs to put his bag away but I guess he's prolly havin' fun with Drake."

"Mmkay, well I'm gonna go see him. Could you please make me somethin' to drink?"

"Sure, you want somethin' to eat too?"

"Mmm, actually yes but I was gon' make dinner-"

"No I'll make it, you should rest whilst you can. Am I doin' a plate for Drake?"

"I don't know, he came over to see you so I'll send him down." She smiled and rubbed her bump as he kissed her forehead.

"You stay down here, I'll go get Jay. Ion want you climbin' up the stairs and shit." He helped her sit back down as he moved up the stairs to go get his son. He was right, Jay must have dragged Drake into his room because he could just hear them talking over Alia's crying. Getting her first he carried her with one strong arm before entering Jay's room. He called them both as they all headed down the stairs again.

"Oh my God." Both Safaree and Drake looked at her worriedly.

"What's wrong?"

"I just remembered I left Alia up there, she must have slept that whole time! There is no way she's gon' sleep tonight." Letting her head fall back she huffed loudly as Jay ran over to her and made her look up again. "Jayman! How was school?" Pulling him closer to her she waited for an answer as Safaree and Drake moved through to the kitchen. "Hey, I'm talkin' to you." Giving him a gentle shake he just looked up at her sadly.

"I don't like school Mommy."

"Why not baby? I thought you loved it." He just shook his head and rested on her arm as her brow stayed furrowed. Now she felt bad about hassling him this morning, obviously something had happened for him to hate school all of a sudden.

Back in the kitchen Safaree sat Alia in her highchair and proceeded to get her something to eat. He had a huge favour to ask Drake but didn't quite know how to ask, or if he'd even feel comfortable doing it. Before he even had chance to ask though, Drake beat him to it.

"Listen, I understand if you say no or feel like I'm intrudin' a little but do you want me to look after these two whilst...Y'know?" He waved his hand in Nicki's direction as he waited for a response.

"Really? I was just abouta ask you the same thing! You'd really do that?"

"Sure. I mean I'll be outta your way but if Alia's gon' be awake all night and you two have your hands full, I'm already here I might as well, right? You don't have anyone else here, and Jay talks to me."

"Thanks, we hadn't really thought that part through." He chuckled genuinely for the first time in ages, he had so much on his mind but he pushed it all to the back knowing that Nicki needed him right now. That and he wanted to experience the same excitement he had when Jayson and Alia were born. Looking at the time it was already 5pm so he decided to start cooking whilst Nicki was still comfortable enough to eat.

By 11pm Jay was in bed, their relatives had been contacted and Nicki's contractions had got more painful and closer together. She and Safaree had gone to lay down for a bit whilst Drake kept an alert and playful Alia occupied downstairs. Sitting on the edge of the bed he watched her sleep, hoping that it would be a quick and easy birth. He hated not being able to do anything for her when she was hurting.

"Why are you watching me?" Blinking her eyes open she looked up at him as he stayed still.

"How'd you know I was watchin' you?" He moved to lay down next to her but stopped himself quickly noticing her look down at her legs as a dark patch appeared, growing larger as it spread under her on the bed sheets.

"Oh, my water just broke."

...

*Ok so I already told you all I have writer's block :( I dunno if it's just 'cause I'm tired or what but Im gonna try and do a chapter for CM tomorrow. But If I feel like it doesn't sound good I won't post it 'cause I was kicking myself after posting that chapter for CAHM, I just felt like it could have been so much better but oh well. What's done is done right? Anyway I hope this was acceptable lol and sorry I just had to leave it there >_< Thanks for all the comments on the last chapter!*

*NOTE*

Okay I know I said I would post tonight but I'm going through some stupid shit right now and although I've finished my uni work I still have to attend lectures and stuff so I have to get up early. Anywaaaays as well as trying to sort out this issue I have, get some sleep, do uni work and post on blogger I have been a bit all over the place! lol,  But Im posting tmrw I PROMISE! I'll be updating CAHM, FY and CM tmrw and then HIA and WTWC on thursday. Sorry for the delay :/

x

BTW any announcements I have will be posted on this blog cuz it has the most followers :))

20. Slipping

*Continuing where I left off*

They made it home after their night out and entered the house quietly knowing Jelani and Cai would probably still be up but they didn't want to wake anyone else. Especially the kids. Making their way through to the lounge room they said goodnight and headed upstairs. Nicki was desperate to get out of her outfit due to how much it was clinging to her bump.

"You good?" He saw her struggling to reach the zipper at the back of her dress before pouting and letting her arms hang down.

"Nooo! could you please get it for me?" She whined and shuffled over to him as he walked and met her halfway, unzipping her out of the black fabric smoothly and letting it fall around her ankles before she carefully stepped out of it.

"Damn."

"What?" Her seductive smile let him know that she already knew. "Oh? You want your dessert now?" She meant what she had said in the restaurant and intended to keep her word. Not just for his sake.

"Do you even need to ask?" Before she could protest he walked over to her tiny frame, sliding his fingers gently under her bra straps, letting them fall loosely before extending his arm behind her to unclasp the garment. Once it was removed he stood admiring her body, wondering where to start.

***

She could feel the heat of his chest on her back as she steadied herself on the headboard, his thrusts becoming more intense. Only panting and the occasional whimper could be heard as they fought to keep quiet, she let her own hands follow his as they roamed over her skin with his mouth continuing to stay connected to her neck. Because of her bump Safaree had decided to switch things up a bit, Nicki insisted they were fine with her under him but he didn't want to squish her. She was almost there, no longer caring who the hell was in the house as she finally let the moans escape.

"Nicki, shhh." He managed to tear his lips away from her skin for only a moment to try and quieten her down. But before they could finish things off they heard a small cry at the door causing Safaree to immediately slow down his thrusts until he stopped completely. Resting his head defeatedly on her back she too hung her head in frustration, they were so close. Their pants and breath catching filled the room as she spoke up exasperatedly.

"We can't just leave him." Her voice was more of a whisper as he scrunched up his mouth and nodded. Pulling out of her gently he let her turn around and sink back against the headboard.

"I'll put him back in his own bed." Jumping up he pulled the covers over a naked and still gasping Nicki before throwing his sweats on and opening the door to see a distraught Jay sat with his blanket. They knew Jay would go wandering to their room at some point during the night and smartly locked the door. Nicki was just as upset as Safaree about having their moment interrupted but Jay was her baby and she couldn't just ignore him. She turned away and covered her ears so she didn't have to see or hear him crying for her as he was pulled into Safaree's arms. The cries grew fainter the closer they got to his room.

"He asleep again?" She asked a few minutes later when Safaree reappeared in their room, closing the door behind him. Normally she would have been happy to throw on her jammies and have him sleep in their bed but after a long talk with Safaree they decided he had to start getting used to sleeping in his own room.

"Yeah, soon as his head hit the pillow pretty much." He laughed quietly and shimmied his sweats back off again.

"You check on my ladybug whilst you were up?"

"Yes Nicki. She's fine and fast asleep. Now, where the fuck were we?" The devious smile he had plastered on his face made her giggle and move away from him the more he crawled towards her. Her laughing only intensified as he made a lunge for her but ended up slamming the headboard pretty loudly into the wall. They went silent and listened to the commotion in the room next to them. Which happened to be her parents. Holding their breath they heard some mumbling before it was quiet again.

"Shit! Safaree that's the second time we almost got caught today." She shook her head as she whispered loudly. Attempting to get up she felt his strong hand stop her.

"And where the hell d'you think you're goin'?"

"I'm goin' to shower. Wanna come?"

"Do I?" He wiggled his eyebrows playfully making her laugh before launching a pillow at him.

"Get away from me." Pulling out of his grasp, still laughing, she grabbed herself a towel and facecloth before shutting the bathroom door behind her.

***

The next morning she stood tiredly brushing her teeth as she looked over herself in the full length mirror. With her small hand resting on her bump. She was six months today and was also finding out whether they were having a boy or a girl. She was going to keep it a surprise but couldn't wait any longer.

"Nic? You ready?" Rolling her eyes at his loud mouth she moved back into the bathroom to finish up what she was doing. Honestly she was feeling slightly nervous about her appointment and she'd wanted a scan after experiencing Braxton Hicks two days ago but didn't want to question Faye's expertise. All the worrying thoughts ran through her head as she made her way down the stiars. Locking eyes with Safaree she smiled weakly as she stepped off of the last stair.

"Kay, I'm ready babe. You give Mom Alia's bag?"

"Yup. Bag, pushchair and both kids are safely packed in their car, they waiting to say goodbye." Since Nicki and Safaree were going to this appointment, Jelani, Cai and her Parents offered to take Jay and Alia out for the day. It was their last day and they were going to make the most of it with the kids. Lauren and Candi decided to let them all have a family day whilst they hit the shops.

"Right well, I'll go say bye then. Could you please grab me a water before you lock up?" He turned on the spot and headed back to the kitchen as she hoisted her bag over her shoulder and went outside to kiss her babies goodbye.

***

Once they parked the car they sat silently for a minute. He could tell something was bothering her and he had an inkling he knew what it was.

"Nic, the baby's gon' be ok y'know? Faye said so herself it was just Braxton Hicks. You were dehydrated." Suddenly reminding himself he handed her water to her.

"Yeah I know but it's still a little scary, thas all." He continued to watch her twiddle with a button on her top.

"I know and I'll admit too. I'm a little nervous but we'll still be sat here worrying if we don't go in there, so come on." He hopped out of the car, getting her door for her and took her hand gently in his before walking them inside. Thankfully they didn't have to wait long before a young nurse called them in.

***

"Kay, you guys make yourself comfortable. Faye won't be too long." Smiling sweetly she left again. Safaree took his usual position in the chair next to Nicki after he'd helped her up on to the bed. Their hands remained connected as they waited.

"Hello you two!" She burst through the door pleasantly and set her coffee down on the table. "So, how are we all?"

"Yeah, we're fine thank you." Nicki returned the same genuine smile as she caressed her stomach, Safaree's hand still wrapped securely around hers. Looking down at him she nudged his shoulder grumpily to try and grab his attention. He was staring intently at his phone.

"Huh? Oh, sorry Yeah we all good. Thanks." Shoving his phone back into his pocket he focused his mind on what was happening in the room.

"Well that's good to hear, and no more pains or twinges?" She continued to question as she lifted Nicki's shirt slightly, signalling for her to slide her pants down a little.

"Nope. Not a thing, in fact I'm feelin' really good right now." The end of her sentence was half gasped as Faye spread the cold gel on to her skin.

"Well, that's really good Nicki! And sorry I prolly should have warned you I was 'bouta do that!" They both laughed until Nicki felt anxiety hit her as the image showed up on the screen. "Right lets have a look here..." She talked calmly and continued to stare at the screen. "Mmm, well everythin's looking good so far, and you still wanna keep the sex a surprise?" She looked back at them both as they shared a silent conversation with their faces, Nicki broke the silence with an excited voice.

"No, I wanna find out! I can't wait any longer, I changed my mind." Safaree smiled and looked back to Faye letting her know that he agreed.

"Ok well, it looks like you're gonna have another little lady in the house." Safaree's smile widened as he placed his hand over Nicki's.

"Nic, thas our baby girl in there." She looked at him tearfully as he rubbed her bump, he knew her tears were happy tears though.

"So, we're all done here." She handed Nicki a paper towel to remove the gel and let her climb down after fixing her clothes. "I'll see you at the next appointment." They both thanked her and headed back to the car feeling relieved that their baby girl was healthy.

"See, told you everythin' would be fine."He looked over at her as he started the engine.

"Yeah, you did huh? I should listen to my man more often." She leaned over inviting him to do the same so they could share a kiss before they hit the road. Along the way she kept hearing his phone chirping, although she knew very well he wouldn't answer whilst he was driving but the look on his face was beginning to frighten her a little. He looked really bothered. And she knew it had something to do with what he was looking at during her appointment, but she didn't want to question him so kept her mouth shut.

*** 3 Months later ***

Nicki had just about had enough of everything. She was nine months pregnant and 3 days overdue, and to make things worse Safaree had been acting weird again, Jay was throwing more and more tantrums and Alia was still teething, making her nights even more restless than they already were. She knew she was acting overly bitchy about everything but she was tired, aching and fed up. She just wanted the baby out already.

"Jay! I'm not gonna tell you one more time! Get over here." She pointed to the ground in front of her as he still refused to put his coat on. It was Monday and he didn't want to go back to school. She huffed frustratedly as Alia started crying in her highchair and all the while Safaree was sat without a care in the world staring at his phone. Again.

"NO!" He stomped his foot stubbornly and pouted, strongly resembling herself as a child.

"Safaree?! Would you please go sort your son out?!" She marched through to the kitchen to pick Alia up, silencing her immediately as she held on to her mother. "SAFAREE?!" He jumped almost a mile out of his chair at the sound of her booming voice.

"What Nicki?! Can't you see I'm fucking busy?!" He shut his eyes in regret as soon as he said it. "Nic, I ain't mean that I'm-"

"Sorry? Yeah I know, you always are!" She shook her head before walking back through to the lounge room. "Jayson I'ma count to three and if you don't have your coat on still. That's it!" His lip quivered as she raised her voice at him. It did the trick though whilst she intently watched him drag his feet over to where his coat lay after he had a tantrum with it. "Thank you. Now go grab your bag and tell Daddy you're ready to go." She let her hand glide over his head as he walked sadly into the kitchen. After fixing Alia's ruffled up clothes an wiping the pink yogurt off of her little face she sat her down on the rug. She was getting a little too confident now as she was toddling about getting into things she shouldn't. "You stay put. Ion wanna find you stuck somewhere you shouldn't be." She merely got a gurgle in response as she stood herself up using the coffee table and immediately heading wobbly towards the toys.

"Aight, I'm off then. See you later." He moved in to kiss her but she faced the other way, letting his lips brush against her cheek. He knew he'd upset her, so getting out of the house for half an hour would probably give her some time to cool down he thought that would be best for himself, Nicki and the baby. After making up with Jay she kissed him goodbye and waved him off.

***

The car journey was pretty short as Jay sang along to his kids songs all the way. Almost driving Safaree mad but he knew it was only a short drive so just went along with it.

"You excited boy?" He kept making eye contact briefly through the rear-view mirror.

"No." He looked down at his hands as Safaree furrowed his brow.

"Why not? I thought you liked Monday's?" There was no response as they pulled in to the school parking area. "Well, we gotta get out now. Whether you want to or not." He mumbled the last part under his breath before opening Jay's door and letting him out. He reached up for his Dad's hand as they walked in together.

***

Back at the house Nicki was about to get in the shower after setting Alia in the little play pen but a knock a the door changed her plans. Swiftly picking Alia up again she walked cautiously down the stairs, she couldn't see who it was but put her eye to the peephole. Seeing a man about the age of thirty in uniform she opened the door hesitantly.

"Yes, what can I help you with?" He turned to face her properly as she startled him.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Grasping his chest he exhaled before continuing. "You made me jump!" His eyes were super brown, along with his smooth skin and clean cut hair.

"I'm sorry."

"Not a problem." He smiled graciously. "Anyway I'm here about your security cameras? I was actually one of the workers who helped install them."

"Oh, okay...Well what about them?" He could tell she didn't want to let him in by the way she was stood, holding her bump protectively whilst soothing Alia at the same time.

"Apparently there's a faulty wire, I been sent to come take a look. You don't mind do you?" She shifted slightly before switching Alia to her other hip.

"Well I suppose if there's a problem." She trailed off before asking another question. "Is this faulty wire dangerous? I mean is it a hazard in our home?" She opened the door some more to let him in.

"Ion know, we've only just been alerted 'bout it but I'll make sure everythin's safe.  I'm Carson by the way." He stepped forward and shook her hand as she returned her own name.

"Okay Carson, well do you want somethin' to drink whilst you fix whatever it is that needs fixin'?"

"Thank you, that would be nice. Just a water will do." He tipped his head at her and smiled. "I been told it's one of the upstairs ones, I'm alright to go up?" His brows were raised as he waited for an answer.

"Yeah sure, there are none in the bedrooms or bathrooms though, just the hallway and stairs."

"Kay, I'll go check it out then." After he'd headed upstairs she proceeded to go through to the kitchen when she noticed Safaree's phone laying on the table. The temptation was there but could she bring herself to do it? She wondered for a second before sitting Alia in her highchair whilst she fixed Carson a drink. It would only be a quick look, and what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him...

*Well I'm exhausted! I'm so tired atm but I tried my best! I'm really sick too! Anywaaaays thanku all SO MUCH for the comments on chapter 19 :)) I really do appreciate it ^___^ I'm trying to post on WTWC as well, if not I'll be doing WTWC next week and then CAHM the week after. But uni has almost finished for the year so I will be posting a whole heap in my time off :)) Hope this was kinda alright for everyone :) And I'm sorry for any typos!*

19. Letting Go (Full Chapter)

"Nicki would you stop freakin' out, they know how to look after her!" He laughed as she continued fixing her makeup in the mirror.

"I know but she's been refusin' the bottle and Ion wanna get down to the school and have to come all the way back to feed her. That and my mom will give me the 'You have to let go sooner or later' talk which I really don't need to be hearin' right now."

"She'll be fine,  c'mere." He pulled her away from the mirror and kissed her. "Can you believe we're 'bouta go check out schools for Jay?

"No, he's still my liddle baby." She looked over at him watching TV on their bed, Jelani and Macaiah had taken charge of the lounge room seeing as they wanted to watch the basketball game. "Is he all ready to go?"

"Yeah just gotta throw his shoes on. What time are we meetin' the teacher person?" He flopped on to the bed with Jay, making him bounce and start to giggle. Nicki smiled, everything was falling together nicely. She had her family and friends here right now, Safaree was well on his way to being back to normal and her pregnancy was going smoothly, barring the Braxton Hicks hiccup.

"Well we gotta set off in like." She looked at her watch. "15 minutes so I'll just go tell Lauren and Candi what Alia's havin' to eat."

"Nic, it's baby food? It comes in jar, they all pretty much the same." He started laughing again only to stop when Jay told him to shush because he couldn't hear the TV. "Damn, my bad." Nicki smiled at him scolding his Dad like that.

"Yes but I need to have everythin'-"

"Organised? Yeah we know!" They were now making their way out of the bedroom when they bumped into Mama Carol going into hers.

"Oh, you all set to go?" She smiled at how healthy Nicki looked and how much Safaree had improved since they moved here.

"Yeah I was just gon' show y'all what Alia is eatin' for lunch and dinner. Then when we get back later I'll feed her beforeI put her to bed."

"You're still mix feeding?" She held eye contact with her daughter as Safaree tensed up, knowing that Nicki was touchy about that subject. She got angry with people who tried to tell her she should stop feeding Alia herself. It was a case of 'her child, her decision'. If she wanted to feed her solid food and breast-feed her before bed too, then she could.

"Mom, please don't. Not right now." She shook her head slightly and went downstairs leaving Safaree stood awkwardly.

"She's almost 8 months old, she's fine on solid food and formula."

"No disrespect Carol, but she's our baby and we'll do what we feel is right." He got scared as soon as he'd said and wished he'd never opened his mouth but her reaction wasn't what he expected.

"You're good parents y'know that don't you?" He smiled half with relief and half with gratitude at the compliment she just paid them. She felt bad for making Nicki feel inadequate sometimes.

"Thanks." He gave her a smile before going back in their room to grab Jay. "Come on liddle man we gotta go." He switched the TV off, scooped up Jay and made his way downstairs as Nicki was explaining everything about what to do with Alia whilst they were gone.

"Nic, we know what we're doin'! We looked after before y'know?" Lauren smirked at a flustered Nicki and kept bouncing a happy Alia on her knee.

"Yeah I know." She sighed loudly. "I guess I'm just kyna freakin' 'bout this whole school thing with Jay." Exhaling slowly she sat down next to Lauren, who handed her Alia.

"Don't be babe, Jay's a cute kid he'll have the girls fallin' over him!" Candi tried to reassure her. "And you and SB got your little date tonight, you gotta be excited 'bout that right?" They didn't need an answer as the way she blushed and smiled said it all.

"See everythin's gon' be fine, stop stressin' it's not-"

"Good for the baby!" She finished Lauren;s sentence and laughed at the way they treated her sometimes. Meanwhile Safaree was stood watching for the whole conversation with Jay in his arms. He'd been wanting to take her out for a meal for the longest time but never found the right moment and now, with friends and family here to take care of the kids he gladly took the opportunity. So they were going at 2pm to check out this school then taking Jay with them to do the grocery shopping and then coming back to drop him home and for Nicki to feed Alia and put them to bed. That way they could shower and change into going out clothes too.

"Kay Nic, you set?" He let Jay down after putting his shoes on, he ran towards Candi and Lauren giving them a peck each before going to the door. "Damn, he's such a ladies man!"

"He don't get that from you then." Candi spluttered as Lauren and Nicki giggled at his face.

"Whatever." He looked back to Nicki. "Ready?"

"Yeah. Remember what I said!" she pointed her finger between her friends before kissing Alia's little forehead and handing her back to Lauren. Leaving the kitchen she shouted goodbye to her parents and brothers and got Jay into the car.

***

"See! I told you he'd like it!" Safaree beamed as he looked at Nicki's cheerful face. They'd just finished their little tour and talk with one of Jay's soon to be school teachers.

"I'm just glad he's excited, now I can relax a liddle!" She opened the window a bit and started fanning herself. "We need to get the aircon sorted out Faree." He just nodded and blindly handed her a bottle of water.

"Make sure you're drinkin' plenty, Ion want yo' ass faintin' on me."

"Safaree be quiet, I ain't passin' out nowhere!" She chuckled and turned back to look at Jay who was fast asleep, no surprise there.

"So the table is booked for 8pm, what time is it now?" He kept his eyes in the road as she checked her watch.

"It's 4pm, so by the time we done shoppin' we'll be home at about 5, or 6 maybe. That ok?"

"Great."

"You gon' tell me where we're goin' then?" He could tell she was smiling by the way her pronunciation changed. That and he could see her pearly whites out of the corner of his eye.

"That is a surprise, so you just gon' have to wait and see." He smiled knowing that she hated to be left guessing.

"Well in that case you'll just have to wait and see if you get any tonight." She formed her mouth into a small smile and turned to look out of her window, still fanning herself as Safaree pulled into the parking lot.

"Nic, it's not that hot out, where's your jacket?" He scanned the back seats as she unbuckled herself.

"You kidding? I am not puttin' another layer of clothin' on. I'm freaking melting. Lets get him out and go inside." She carefully stepped out of the car as Safaree did the same before gently picking up Jay who was still sleeping.

"Maybe we should wake him up? He won't sleep later."

"Mmm, you do that I need the bathroom, like, now." They made their way into the cool air of the Supermarket as Nicki headed straight to the bathroom, leaving Safaree to sit Jay in the shopping trolley and wait for her.

He gently shook Jayson awake and watched him rub his eyes before yawning. He felt bad because he looked tired and truthfully he'd had a busy day.

"Wipe the sleep outta yo' eyes boy." He laughed and smoothed his hand over Jay's head.

"What are you two gigglin' about?" Nicki returned and stood at Safaree's side, her bump showing neatly through her loosely fitting top.

"Ah nothin'." He smiled down at her as she rummaged though her purse looking for gum.

"You want some?" She pulled the pack out and pushed it up to his face making him laugh as they started walking through the aisles.

"No Nicki. Now put it away before he sees it." He looked at Jay whose head was lolling around since he fell asleep again. She kept readjusting him so that he wasn't resting awkwardly but it was no use, so she eventually took him out and carried him around. About half an hour into their supermarket trip Safaree could see her struggling so swapped, allowing her to push the trolley whilst he lugged Jay around.

"Aye Nic? What's the stuff Alia eats again?" He was hunched slightly and squinting as he looked at all  the shelf items.

"It comes in Jars Faree, they all the same." She mimicked his earlier comment and chuckled at his serious face before getting the jars herself. "She likes these ones the most." Double checking they were the right ones she placed them with the rest of the shopping. "Kay, I think that's everythin'. Unless you needed somethin'?"

"Nope, I'm good. Let's get outta here." She shook her head and followed him to the checkout, he hated food shopping."

***

As soon as they got home they were rushing around trying to get everything sorted. They'd spent longer shopping than they'd hoped and hit traffic on the way home so they now had only and hour and a half to get ready. Luckily Mama Carol had already done dinner so when they walked through the door they sat Jay down at the table with everyone and let him eat whilst they went to shower. Thankfully Lauren had fed Alia earlier so she was content with just watching everyone from her highchair.

"Nic, you gon' shower with me?" She turned to look at him unsurely.

"Uhm no, no that's ok I'll just go when you're done." She continued taking her earrings out and wiping her makeup off as he dropped his shoulders, he knew what she was doing. Stepping away from the bathroom doorway and the running shower, her pulled her up.

"Nicki, I've seen you naked and pregnant before!" he moved the hair out of her face carefully. "You look beautiful, now are you gonna come shower with your husband or not?" She rolled her eyes and looked down shyly, taking a few minutes to decide before letting him undress her and stepping in to the shower together. She can't remember the last time they did this, all she knew was that it happened way before Alia was born. It felt good. She let him wash her after she finished washing him and shared a little make out session before knocking the water off and stepping out. As soon as the water died down they could hear Alia crying downstairs.

"Just on time." Nicki dried herself and let Safaree lotion her before she threw her gown on and went to get Alia.

"I'll sort Jay out after I'm dressed." She nodded nicely and made her way downstairs.

"Oh, you ain't goin' out dressed like that are ya Nic?" Macaiah pulled a face at how open the front of her robe was, almost giving everyone an eyeful of her assets.

"Boy shut the hell up! Where's my baby?" They all laughed as she tightened her robe and gently took Alia from her chair. "Faree's gon' come get Jay ready for bed in a minute so don't get him all hyped up." She cut her eyes at Jelani knowing he'd be the one to ignore her. They'd all finished eating and were helping Mama Carol clear the plates away and clean up. Lauren and Candi had helped make dinner so they were sat watching TV. Nicki felt bad that she wasn't spending this time with them but honestly she'd spent every other moment with them. Shopping, taking the kids out and everything else. It was just this one night, she kept reminding herself that so as not to feel bad.

"I'm just gonna go bathe her and feed her, she shouldn't wake up after I've put her down, kay?" They both looked at each other before answering in unison.

"Yes Nicki, we know." Lauren laughed at her frown.

"And we know to call you otherwise! Stop worryin' you're gonna spoil your night with Safaree." She stood up and took Alia from her arms. "I'll go bathe her whilst you get ready, then you can feed her." Nicki smiled gratefully.

"And Ill go deal with your boy, where's he at?" Candi moved from the couch as Nicki pointed to the kitchen.

"Aww you guys! Thank you so much." She grinned widely as they all headed upstairs after Candi had retrieved Jay. As soon as they reached the top they all went separate ways. Going back into her room Nicki stopped for a minute to admire her husband.

"Put your eyes back in your head Nic." He grinned cockily as she snorted.

"Whatever!" She felt bad after his face drooped a little. "But really though, you look handsome." He half smiled at her acting all shy and quiet. He was glad she shut the door as he moved over to her and carefully pulled her robe off, holding her gently. She didn't move whilst he started placing kisses all over her neck before moving to her front and lingering for a while, letting his hands roam her body. As her breathing changed he could tell she was stifling a moan and would soon see to that. He gravitated lower as she placed her hands on top of his head feeling her leg being lifted whilst he placed her foot on his shoulder. She shut her eyes, preparing for what she was about to endure. Being as thoughtful as he was he stopped and lifted her to the bed and lay her down before resuming his position with his head resting between her thighs, kissing either side tenderly. Moving closer to where she wanted.

"Nicki? Are you in there?" She sat up instantly at the sound of her name as Safaree jumped back and handed her robe to her from the floor. The door opened without warning as she was just fastening the clothing around herself.

"What?!" He flinched at the anger in her voice before talking more cautiously.

"My bad, I uh, just wanted to know where the new batteries are kept?" He shifted uncomfortably knowing all too well what he probably just interrupted.

"They're in the kitchen drawer next to the sink." He nodded awkwardly as a gesture to say thank you and headed back back out of the room quickly, but him and his smart mouth just had to say something.

"Oh and by the way y'all are nasty, couldn't you wait 'til everybody was sleepin'?" He laughed obnoxiously and continued going down the stairs as Nicki stood, clearly in shock and slightly humiliated.

"That was close."

"Yeah, almost too freaking close Safaree."

"We'll just finish off where we left off when we get home." He whispered seductively as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. "Now go do what you need to do, we're even more behind now." He tapped her butt and went back to fixing himself up as she proceeded to go do her makeup.

***

About half an hour later he was on his way back to their bedroom to hurry Nicki up, only to realise she was sat in Alia's room feeding her. Still only in her robe.

"Nicki, we're leaving in like, ten minutes." He walked into Alia's little pink bedroom which was only illuminated by a small light in the corner.

"I know, I'm sorry. She's still not done, I only have to put my dress on and then I'm ready. Promise." she looked up at him as he stood next to the rocking chair she was sat in.

"It's fine, I'd let you go in that if you could." He paused for a moment making her look back at him.

"You kay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, Just waitin' on my beautiful wife." He smiled at her blushing and leant down to kiss her, meeting her lips for a few seconds and pulling away to let her move.

"I think she's 'bout done." Looking down at Alia's sleepy eyes she pulled her away and stood up to lay her gently in her crib before re-fastening her robe. "Kay Imma go get dressed." She tiptoed to kiss him again and disappeared quickly to go and change. Safaree stayed for a while longer and watched Alia fall to sleep properly before heading out too.

Fifteen minutes later they were heading out of the door, their plan was successful. Both kids were fed, bathed and in bed by the time they were leaving. Going to open her door for her Safaree stood to the side, allowing her to climb in before moving around the vehicle to get in his side.

"You look amazing Nic." He took a minute to look over her whole body as she sat patiently.

"Thank you babe, so do you." Before she buckled herself in she stretched across to him and kissed him lovingly before pulling away. "So, we goin' or what?" Her sentence was finished with the click of her belt buckle.

"We sure are." Once he was buckled up too he started the engine and set off. It only took around twenty minutes before Nicki saw where it was Safaree must have been taking them. It was a new restaurant in town that she'd pointed out to him not long ago.

"Really Safaree?" She turned too look at him but he kept his eyes fixed attentively on the road.

"Yeah, you said you wanted to go here right?"

"Well yeah, but it's so expensive."

"And you deserve it. 'specially after the way I been actin' lately, I'm sorry."

"Faree you don't have to keep apologisin'. It's ok, we've moved past that." She gathered her purse and fixed her lipstick once more in the mirror as they pulled up to get out.

The rest of the evening went by smoothly and they were still sat comfortably at their table two hours later.

"Thank you." Safaree looked up hearing her voice as he set his cutlery down and wiped his mouth.

"For what?"

"Well for a start, all of this!" She waved her arms around. "And for not drinking." He bowed his head a little.

"Hmm I'm stayin' away from that. Ion wanna lose you, any of you." He grabbed her hand gently across the table. "You want dessert?"

"Yes, but it's somethin' I can't get off the menu here." He brought his eyes up to meet hers as he shut his menu.

"Oh?"

"Mmm." She folded her lips and moved her chair back.

"OH! Right!" He only just caught on as he quickly stood up. "I'll get the bill."

....

*Well, Ion like this but I needed to post cuz I was just stuck on it and I need to do WTWC, CM and CAHM :o Which one do you all want next?? ^_^ Thanks for the comments on the sneak peek :)) And I  apologise for any typos! I know I make a lot XD*